


The Redemption

by celexdraw



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 19:31:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20031163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celexdraw/pseuds/celexdraw
Summary: After experiencing the death of his brother in the drift, Richard has no desire to return to his life as a pilot for the Jaeger program, but when they ask for his services to finish the job he doesn't refuse. Seeing this as an alternative to living a long life without his brother, Richard is determined to die and reunite with Connor. He couldn't have expected what it would take to drift with someone other than his brother, let alone have his plans turned upside down by his new partner, Gavin Reed.





	1. Prelude

The saltwater in his mouth was unbearable, but it was a welcome reprieve to the iron taste of blood and the heat of electrical equipment burning into his skin. Richard's head rang momentarily as he recovered from the impact, the monster’s claws still sunk deep into the head of their Jaeger.  
“Richard!” the voice echoed in his brain as he reclaimed his senses.  
“The right arm has gone cold, you two need to get out of there!” Hank’s voice barked over the loudspeaker, but it was more like white noise in that moment.  
“Hold on, Richard!” Connor yelled again, groaning as their left arms moved in unison, pulling the RK9’s hulk of an arm around the hold the Kaiju against them.  
“Let’s turn up the heat!” Richard agreed, “keep him there, Con!”  
“Got it!”  
Lights blinded Richard as he slammed his shaking fingers against the dials, activating the heat pump on the front of their Jaeger and blasting the Kaiju in its stomach. A head-splitting scream followed, along with the terrifying wail of metal being shorn. He could feel it in his arm.  
“You’re close to shore! We’re sending backup! Can you hold it there?”  
Hank’s voice was hardly audible over Richard’s screams of pain as the holding seat where he was hooked up slowly became a death trap. The hanging wires and jagged pieces of metal pressed into his arm, holding him tight and sending painful shockwaves through his body.  
“Hurry up!” Connor yelled, the desperation clear in his voice as the Kaiju jammed it’s hardened head against the roof of their Jaeger, breaking yet another hole in the top and allowing another flood of ocean water to crash down on them.  
Richard splashed helplessly in the flood, unable to pull up for air now that he was being held down by the broken Jaeger equipment.  
The moment he was out of the water, he felt his left arm thrusting forward with Connor’s, their sword slicing into the beast.  
“I’m out of clips!” Connor yelled over the beast’s cries.  
“Send power to the right arm, I’ll try and get it moving again. If we can set it up for a perfect shot-“ Richard started, cut off by a sudden wrench that shook his insides and tore out his heart.  
He stared at the empty left side of the cockpit that was little more than a gaping hole, electrical wiring lighting up the gap as they sparked and flailed. The whole left head of the Jaeger had been sliced in a single swipe of claws.  
“Connor! Connor!” Richard yelled, but he knew. He knew what had happened. He could feel it in every cell of his body.  
“Full power to right arm.”  
The robotic voice was a painful ring in his ear, but he ignored it. Pulling his already damaged arm back, he forced himself to work through the pain, thrusting the gargantuan beast to the ground and allowing the Jaeger to fall on top of it, more water rushing into the cockpit as he powered up the blaster and unloaded everything he had into the Kaiju’s head.  
“That was my brother you son of a bitch!” He screamed as the beast knocked the machine on Richard’s side in one last attempt to save itself.  
He felt a pop in his right shoulder, then a sudden relief from the pain as he was released from his position in the cockpit and launched out into open water.


	2. Moonlight Sonata 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We cannot deny the truth of permanent change, no matter how far away from it we may run.

“Knock again and I’ll send you straight to hell,” Richard grumbled as another knock pounded against the door of his flat. The room spun, he could barely keep a grip on the bottle he was holding. Light blue light flashing from the television in front of him was the only way to see anything in the room. It was live footage from the latest Kaiju attack. The reporters were treating it like it was a game show.  
“Rich, I know you’re in there.”  
Hank.  
“God, Hank, won’t you leave me alone?” Richard yelled, not realizing he had chucked his bottle at the door until he heard it shatter.  
There was silence at the door for only a moment before it slowly opened.  
“I didn’t want to have to break in here, but you’ve given me no choice,” he grumbled, closing the door behind him and stepping over the shattered glass and soaked carpet.  
“I thought I told you that today was a bad day?” Richard demanded, his head pounding and his thoughts swimming as he forced out the words.  
“You said you fucked up your last charger, I figured you might need a new one before tomorrow,” Hank held up a length of wire. Richard had mentioned breaking his old wire, but he didn't think Hank was actually going to use that as an excuse to show up at such a late hour.  
“You really went out of your way to find an excuse to get in, didn’t you? I have a backup,” Richard grumbled. He couldn’t remember where it was, but that didn’t matter.  
“Looks like it’s already dead, anyway,” Hank rolled his eyes, taking it upon himself to pug the wire into the wall and hook it up to Richard’s right arm, sending a sharp pinch into his shoulder.  
“Shit, Hank!” Richard ground his teeth, “this is why I don’t charge it! Dammit…”  
“If you would plug it in before it died it wouldn’t hurt so bad, dumbass!” Hank cleared the couch and sat down, carefully placing Richard’s prosthetic out of the way so he wouldn’t sit on it.  
“Turn that shit off, Rich, it’s not healthy for you.”  
“Screw off, why are you even here?” Richard folded his arms, staring into the screen as he watched the kaiju get pummeled into the ocean. He hadn't taken Hank seriously in the slightest when he had told him he was coming to talk to him about business. He hadn't seen Hank in so long he was practically a stranger in his eyes now.   
The screen went black.  
“Hank, what the hell!” Richard lurched forward to snatch the remote, but to no avail. Not that he had the coordination to pick it up, anyway.  
“I refuse to let you wallow like this anymore, Rich. You watch this because you get some sick pleasure out of it. You can’t keep living in the past anymore!”  
Holding the remote out of his reach, Hank forced Richard back with his free hand, “you’re a fucking mess! Worse than I was when Cole died!”  
“Well, at least you didn’t have to feel it happen to him! You didn’t have to experience his last moments like they were your own!” Richard barked, trying to keep his composure. He was seething with anger and he couldn’t bridle it.  
“You’re right, but Connor wouldn’t have wanted for you to get like this!”  
“Don’t get all self-righteous on me, old man!” Richard stood up, wavering slightly as he felt movement in his prosthetic as it powered on, “you didn’t improve your life after Cole died! Like hell I’ll move on!”  
Hank stood up in retaliation, “you know how miserable I was! I understand you better than most would! Trust me when I tell you that moving on is the best option!”  
“I can’t!” Richard wailed, his eyes stinging and the hateful taste of salt touching the edge of his lips, “I can’t forget! I can’t move on! When he died, part of me died with him!”  
Hank wrapped his arms around Richard tightly, forcing his arms down so that Richard couldn’t resist the comforting gesture.  
“Kid, I know. I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry. I miss him too.”  
“Two years,” Richard whispered.  
“I know.”  
“But I remember it like it was yesterday.”  
Hank pressed Richard’s head into his shoulder, “I know, son, I know. I’m sorry.”


	3. Bittendus Kind

Richard woke to the smell of eggs cooking in the kitchen, a throbbing shoulder, and a pounding headache.  
Moaning, he rolled off the couch and stumbled out of the living room area, stubbing his toe on a chair as he went.  
“I’ve made you a nice hangover drink if you can make it in here,” Hank called, “tried and true.”  
“I’m looking forward to how horrible it’s going to taste,” Richard grumbled, accenting his words as he took in a sharp breath from slamming his foot into the chair. He kicked it out of his way for good measure before finally sitting down at the two-person table in the cramped kitchen.  
“That’s Connor’s,” Richard exclaimed the moment Hank handed him the drink.  
“It’s a cup, Rich.”   
“No-“  
“You can’t just leave half of your flat unused!” Hank returned sharply, holding the drink away from Richard just in case he tried to do something violent again, “you can’t keep sleeping on the couch! You can’t let dust collect on old memories and waste away!”  
“Is that why you came here?” Richard spat icily, “I haven’t seen you in the flesh since his funeral!”  
“I’m here because you need help,” Hank spoke calmly, “and as your Godfather, I feel a responsibility to take care of you.”  
“Go to hell, Hank,” Richard hissed, “where were you last year? huh?”  
“Fuck, Richard, I’m sorry I only called last year. I didn’t realize it was this bad, we had other things to deal with-“  
“So that brings me to my question, Hank. Why are you here?” Richard demanded, curling his hands into tight fists, “you’re not just here to check in on me, or you’d just call and say that’s good. You only really checked in on us when we were useful. When we were pilots.”  
Richard stared Hank sternly in the eye before continuing, his mind perfectly clear as he spoke, “you’re asking me to pilot again, aren’t you?”  
Hank’s lack of a response was al the answer he needed.  
“No. Get some other dumbass to do it. I’m not sharing my thoughts with anyone. There are plenty of people in this world who can pilot-“  
“They shut down the program, Rich. We don’t have any more incoming pilots. They’re directing their resources on a bomb.”  
“What, so they can’t handle some alien buggers every once in a while so they decide the better option is to blow up the planet?” Richard exclaimed angrily.  
“No,” Hank shook his head, “they’re going to try and destroy the portal.”  
“You don’t need me for that.”  
“Yeah, I do. We need you to pilot RK9 again. It’s one of the only designs suitable for the mission and the only other guy who knows how to pilot it is solo. Last guy to get out of pilot training before the cutoff.”  
“He can do it his own damn self,” Richard grumbled, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms, “I did.”  
“And you lost your arm like a fucking idiot,” Hank slapped his hand across the metallic shoulder, causing Richard to wince slightly as it vibrated against his tender skin.  
“You’re right, I should’ve let the bastard live and kill all those civilians…you know what? Better yet, I should’ve let it kill me!” he mused, rolling his shoulder and playing off the phantom pain like it didn’t exist, “I dream about it often enough!”  
“Well, if you have such a great wish to be slaughtered by a kaiju, maybe you ought to get into a Jaeger again?” Hank muttered, leaning against the counter.  
“And let the poor bastard piloting with me feel the pain I’ve felt? No way,” Richard shook his head, “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”  
“Connor would’ve gone!” Hank protested.  
“Yeah, because Connor actually gave a damn about people! I hate people!” Richard slammed his fists on the table, his prosthetic leaving a dent on the already damaged wood, “the only person I cared about was Connor, and he’s gone!”  
“Well, he’s not entirely gone,” Hank set the glass on the table at the sound of an alarm in his jacket pocket. He glanced at it briefly before returning his gaze to Richard, “I’ve got to go. A ride will be waiting outside at 0900 hours to pick you up if you decide to change your mind.”  
“I won’t,” Richard grumbled.  
“Well, if there’s any part of Connor left inside of you, perhaps you’ll change your mind,” Hank shrugged before walking himself out of the apartment.  
“Asshole,” Richard spat after him a few moments after the door had closed, standing up and staring down into the plate of food and the hangover concoction Hank had made for him.  
He could still taste the salt and blood in his mouth. He never stopped feeling the pain in his non-existent right arm. The terror hung in his chest even now.  
Turning around, Richard walked to the living room and switched on the tv.  
The Jaeger had been taken down and the kaiju had destroyed an entire city before meeting its maker.  
“…through the city until backup arrived. Is this the beginning of a new, stronger wave of kaiju? When will the terror end? When will we be able to sleep soundly at night, knowing that these creatures could come at any time?”  
Richard turned off the tv quickly, unable to stomach the screams and cries of citizens like background noise to the reporter live on the scene.  
It would never end. They were fighting a losing battle, just like he was against himself.  
He smirked at this thought, wandering back to the kitchen and picking up Connor’s glass, his twin brother’s voice echoing in his head. He had said it every time they dropped for a fight with a kaiju.  
“If we’re going out, we’re going out with a bang!”  
They had always agreed to die together.  
“Connor you bastard,” Richard smirked, taking a drink from the glass and forcing the disgusting liquid down his throat.


	4. Rhapsody In Blue

Rain dumped so hard Richard was sure that he would be soaked through the moment he stepped out of the car. He had spent nearly 17 hours on planes and in cars being transported to the biggest Jaeger hub that was closest to the rift, Nagoya port in Japan.  
A large group of people crowded the car as soon as it pulled up to the entrance of the Jaeger dome. Richard rolled down the window when someone knocked.  
“I thought you might change your mind,” Hank joked.  
“Bastard,” Richard rolled his eyes and opened the door, stepping under Hank’s offered umbrella.  
“So what’s this grand scheme that you’ve all come up with, then?” Richard pressed as they walked inside quickly.  
“It’s a specialized bomb that our researchers have created that react to the signals of the portal between dimensions. Supposedly, It should destabilize the wormhole and close the door.”  
“You don’t sound very confident in that theory,” Richard spoke pointedly, rolling his shoulder as he tried to adjust for the weather.  
“We’ve got some meds for you in your room,” Hank offered, watching him out of the corner of his eye.  
“Thank god.”  
Looking around, a flood of memories filled Richard’s mind. The heaviness of everything around him hung in the air, making him feel claustrophobic, although the ceilings were nearly invisible they were so far away. The Jaegers stood like monoliths in their charging nests, their masks staring off as hundreds of workers buzzed around them like flies, fixing different pieces of the mechanism as they did so. Sparks flew in a firework show of bright lights. The sound was familiar, but Richard had to resist the temptation to plug his ears. He’d been gone too long for an immediate adjustment to the chaos of noise that constantly filled the area because of Jaeger maintenance.  
“So who’s this other pilot?” Richard asked as they stopped in front of RK9. It looked brand new.  
“His name is Gavin Reed. He’s a cheeky brat, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. We’ll run you through some combat to see if you’re close enough to attempt a drift. You’re pretty flexible, though, so I’m sure you’ll be compatible.”  
“huh, you don’t know me very well, do you, Hank?” Richard snorted, “I might get to go home after all…”  
“Don’t get too excited,” Hank forced a chuckle.  
“Is rat-face still in charge of research and development?”  
“Elijah is still part of the program, yes,” Hank corrected him with waining patience, “but he has a new partner. Her name is Amanda. She's the one who put together the bomb.”  
“Hmmm, how interesting. Is Fowler still riding your ass?”  
“It's only been two years, Rich, not much has changed since you left.”  
“Except for RK9’s all gussied up and brand new,” Richard shoved his hands in his pockets, inspecting the huge machine critically, “you haven’t changed her too much, have you?”  
“Nope, she's been restored exactly to her original state. She's one of the best models we have, frankly.”  
“Of course she is,” Richard shook his head, “Connor always was quite taken with her.”  
“How do you feel about piloting her again?” Hank asked cautiously.  
“Like it's gonna be a constant rewind to the worst day of my life, but hey, what could possibly go wrong?”  
“Oi, Anderson!” a gruff voice interrupted them, “who’s this newbie you’re dragging around?”  
Hank and Richard turned in unison, facing a shorter, stocky man with a tight scar across his nose. Even with the notable differences, Richard could tell he was related to Elijah.  
“Who are you?”  
“Name’s Gavin Reed, I’m the newest pilot ‘round here. I’ve been told I’m gonna be piloting with the surviving Nines.”  
Richard frowned slightly. Nines was the special nickname given to himself and Connor as the pilots of the RK9. It hit him like a bag of rocks to the chest.  
“And how’d you manage to fly over the cutoff? You don’t even have a drift partner,” Richard scowled, put off by the man’s air of overconfidence.  
“Because my skills are worth their weight in gold, piss-off,” Gavin sneered, glaring back angrily. He definitely acted like a child, despite the deceiving appearance.  
“We’ll see about that.”  
“And what do you know?” Gavin shot back, folding his arms and leering up at Richard.  
“More than you, dumbass,” he smiled, walking around Gavin and heading to the room that Hank had pointed out to him.  
“Who do you think-“  
Richard glanced back to see Hank grabbing Gavin’s brown leather jacket, holding him back.  
“Save it for the ring, Reed. I would recommend you don't kick off your relationship poorly.”  
“The ring? Wait, is he-?“  
Richard smiled, adjusting his turtleneck as he made his way to his room.  
There was no way they would be drift compatible. Maybe he would get to go home after all.


	5. Prelude in G Minor

Body odor was something Richard was not entirely unused to, but the reek of the training area was enough to leave an unforgettable imprint on his memory. The mat was stained and torn in areas from use, and it’s once bright red was a faded brown at best.  
Not that that was his concern, but he couldn’t help but notice since he had to use the damn thing.  
“This will be a four trial run. Our priority is to pair you with someone you’re drift compatable with," Hank stated frankly.  
Fowler and Anderson stood together at the stage of the training area, a clipboard in Hank’s hands.  
“I don’t really see the point of this, seeing as it’s just me and this idiot,” Richard jerked his thumb at Gavin, who was standing at the opposite end of the training pad. Most of the gathered crowd practically jumped at the opportunity to laugh.  
Richard did not miss the red in Gavin’s cheeks and the hate in his eyes at this.  
“This is for us to evaluate what training exercises we might need to put you through in order for you to become more compatible. We are aware there isn’t much of a choice in the matter. Not to mention that your past performance makes you very capable of drifting with most people.”  
Fowler, as always, was gruff and straight to the point.  
“Right, then I hope you’ll let me start with some of my own pointers, then?” Richard turned to Gavin, swinging his staff in a tight circle and taking a step forward.  
“You think a few pretty swirls and some tough words are gonna scare me, you prissy basta-“  
Richard slammed the staff into his head and pulled it back with a snap, assuming his ready position again.  
“First lesson. The volume of your voice does not increase your skill level or your intimidation.”  
Gavin shook his head and held his staff out at the ready, the anger burning bright in his eyes. He lunged forward, only to be parried and sent into the ground by a couple of hard swings from Richard’s staff and a simple side-step.  
“Second lesson. There is no strength in pride.”  
Richard adjusted his gloves and long sleeves, making sure nothing had caught on his prosthetic. He didn’t like people staring, they stared enough at the scar on the right side of his forehead.  
Gavin was losing his temper, now, swinging from the ground as he pushed himself off the mat and back onto his feet. Richard stepped on his staff and pressed his own into Gavin’s chest.  
“Third lesson. Only dumb brutes fight like savages and lose their heads to their tempers. If you want to drift with me, you cannot bring baggage with you.”  
Throwing Richard’s staff away, Gavin pushed himself off the mat and stood up, practically shaking with frustration.  
“You’re just afraid that I’ll take the lead and control you in the cockpit,” Gavin spat.  
“Wrong!” Richard swung at Gavin, only barely getting blocked, “we must be equals or it doesn’t work.”  
He forced a smile at Gavin as he continued, “well, it really doesn’t work now, does it? We are hardly equals,” Richard exchanged a few simple blows, allowing Gavin to defend himself as he observed the openings he was exposing.  
“Shut the hell up and just fight, no damn kaiju is gonna give me a lecture!” Gaven threw his weight into a swing, the crack of their staffs hitting together was shockingly loud. Had Richard not had the reinforced prosthetic, he would have been struck down by the strength of the blow.  
“I’ve run nearly 75 simulations and my kill rate is 100%!”  
He swung his staff into Richard again, hooking the back end of his staff underneath Richard’s right arm as he swung away. It stuck as it got caught in the alloy plating of his prosthetic.  
“Do you think this a game?” he whispered, grabbing the staff with his robotic arm and holding Gavin at a full stop. He could tell this was causing the man distress, though he tried hard not to show it.  
“It’s simple. Get in, kill the monster, get out, and get some applause while I’m at it,” Gavin responded, pulling against Richard as he tried to free his staff.  
“This isn’t a show, you bastard,” he growled, watching as the rod began to splinter and bend, “lives are at stake.”  
“Well, I don’t plan on losing, dumbass! Maybe if you had been a little better you’d still be with your old partner!”  
The rod snapped, sheering Richard’s shirt and ripping a large hole in the sleeve and exposing his prosthetic.  
Kicking Gavin into the mat with a fury that blinded him, Richard pressed the side of his staff into the man’s stubbled neck.  
“Say one more word… and I’ll put a little more space between your head and your shoulders, got it?”  
Gavin had gone pale.  
“Do not mistake my calm demeanor for weakness or lack of ability you lowlife. I’ve seen and experienced shit your brain couldn’t come up with in its worst nightmares,” he could see Gavin’s eyes travel briefly to the hole in his shirt where the metal was glinting in the light, “you wouldn’t survive two seconds with me, let alone two seconds on a real battlefield.”  
Richard stood up, “you’re just an entitled bitch who thinks he can get what he wants by being a stuck up asshole about it,” he dropped Gavin’s broken staff onto his chest and turned to Fowler and Hank, “permission to be dismissed.”  
Fowler sighed and nodded, “permission granted.”  
Gavin stared as Richard walked passed him.  
“Motherfucker,” he spat at him quietly, still glaring from his place on the ground.  
Richard didn’t even humor him with a reaction, let alone a response. The crowd that had gathered to observe the spectacle split in awed silence, many gawking at the sliver of metal they could see under his shirt and speaking quietly under their breaths as he passed.  
As if he didn’t know what they were talking about.


	6. Pagodes

“Well, how’d it go, bro?” Elijah asked as Gavin stalked into the room, announcing his unpleasant attitude as loudly as he could without saying a word.  
“That bad, huh? I’m surprised, you’re very physically adept-“  
“That bastard swept the floor with me! And that fucker Anderson says we’re going to have to drift tomorrow anyway-“  
“Oh don’t worry, I watched the security cameras. Trust me, I know,” Elijah laughed his strange, breathy laugh.  
“What’s so goddamn funny?” Gavin demanded.  
“I just can’t believe you said that to him, you realize that the partner he lost was his twin brother, right? You’re stone cold, Gavin. I can’t believe you’re That Bitch. You are such an idiot.”  
Gavin stared at Elijah hard, “he’s just trying to cover up how weak he is. The brother was probably the stronger of the two and he’s playing a big game to scare me.”  
“What does he have to gain by doing that, Gavin?” Elijah asked, turning, “just admit that he pegged you on the head, okay? I got you in here because our Dad always harangued me about helping you be something more-like myself-and now you can’t even meet basic expectations.”  
Gavin scowled, his blood boiling at the words. He had known this was coming, but it didn’t stop Gavin from wanting to rip Elijah's head off on occasion. He would never do it, of course. He and Elijah both knew where Gavin stood on the totem pole. Only in Gavin’s craziest fantasies was he ever the one who was on higher ground.  
“What do you recommend I do?” he forced the words out like it was a dose of sour medicine. The last person he wanted advice from was Elijah, but he didn’t have any friends in Nagoya at the moment, and what he really wanted was a way to out Richard for what he really was. A cheater.  
“You have 24 hours to either change your attitude or change his mind about you. I recommend both, but I don’t think you have it in you to change, so maybe you should appeal to his better nature as an adult and claim mental retardation.”  
Elijah cracked up as he said it as if he found himself to be the funniest man in the world.  
“Fuck off,” Gavin stood up and stormed out of the research room, passing by Amanda who gave him only a slightly sympathetic room as she entered.  
How was it that he was in the wrong? How could no one see that he had been made into a fool in front of the brass by someone who had run away after losing a fight? Why did they prefer a coward over him? Hadn’t they seen it in that bastard’s eyes? He didn’t want to be there.  
He didn’t want to be there.  
That had been his point all along. Gavin charged towards Richard’s room, his fists clenched as he pounded at the steel riveted door.  
“What do you want? Looking for another ass-kicking?”  
“Open the damn door you fucking coward,” Gavin demanded.  
“It’s nearly one in the morning, what in the ever-loving shit do you need to talk to me so badly about?”  
Gavin leaned in closer to the door to hear the other man better, seeing as the door wasn’t going to be opening any time soon.  
“Why are you here?” Gavin demanded, “you don’t want to be here. You made a fool out of me and pressed all my buttons just to make it look like I was a dumbass and incapable of being your partner all so you could get your free ticket out of here!”  
There was a short silence on the other side of the door, “I didn’t do or say anything that wasn’t true. We are totally incompatible and you know it.”  
“Because you’re being a total fucking bitch about it!” Gavin roared, his heart pounding and his head throbbing as he forced himself onward. Usually, when he hit such a strong brick wall he ran, but he couldn’t this time.  
“Well, it’s not like you have such a righteous cause either,” Richard snorted, “you just want to be noticed!”  
“So what! I want to get the job done! Is that so wrong that I also want a little bit of a reward for my efforts?”  
It was more than that, but Gavin wasn't ready to admit more.  
“It’s selfish and poorly motivated, you could never make the sacrifice necessary.”  
Richard’s voice sounded strange and flat like he was forcing himself to speak in a nearly monotone voice.  
“How do you know what I’m capable of? All you did was lecture me and treat me like a child! You’re just mad because I’m not your brother!”  
The door swung open and Richard looked down at Gavin with a gaze so frigid it left him speechless for a moment.  
“I treated you like a child because you are a child,” he whispered, his voice shaking slightly. Now that the door was out of the way Gavin could tell that he was trying very hard not to slur his words. One glance into his bedroom let him know that Richard was extremely inebriated.  
“I could be mad that you’re not my brother, but the thought hardly crossed my mind. You’re a disgrace in comparison to him. He would’ve treated you better. I already know I’m an ass-“  
He winced and drew in a tight breath as his right arm slid off the metal doorknob and to his side with a strange series of whirring sounds. A new shirt was covering it, but Gavin had put the pieces together in his head easily. It was a skill improvement aide. That’s how he had beaten him earlier that day. That’s how he had cheated.  
“Are we done here, or are you just gonna stare at me all night and wait for the next insult?” Richard demanded angrily, leaning over himself as he held his shoulder and turned to return to his room.  
The smell of alcohol and the surly behavior threw Gavin into a slew of unpleasant memories, reducing him to the easily intimidated ball of anxiety he really was.  
“Uh, do you want some help? What happened to your arm?” Gavin asked, feeling more than a little awkward.  
“Are you suddenly my mom now? Get a life, dipshit. I’ve been handling myself fine without any help for plenty of years, I don’t need a fucking pity service from the likes of you.”  
The door slammed in Gavin’s face before he could say another word, followed by a crash, several loud curses, and the sound of a bottle being smashed against the wall.  
Gavin wandered back to his room in silence, feeling sick to his stomach at the idea of having to face Richard again the next day.


	7. Sonata No. 17 in D minor, 3rd movement

Gavin was received with lukewarm greetings by the staff at the RK9 cockpit the next morning. Lieutenant Anderson barely gave him a sidelong glance. He wasn’t about to let that deter him from being obnoxious as hell and figuring out what he needed to.  
“Where’s your favorite cocky bastard?” He asked, approaching Anderson while the assistants were helping him suit up, much to their chagrin.“I counted him as the overtly on time type.”  
“I’m not his babysitter.”  
“Do you know he drinks on the job?” Gavin grilled, “I would kill to have a single drink around here, but you guys are petty as hell and won’t let any of us pilots have a drop. But him?? I saw what looked like half a bar emptied in his room last night. He’s probably hammered out of his mind and suffering from the worst hangover in history.”  
Lieutenant Anderson finally turned to face Gavin fully, “you were in his room last night?”  
Gavin shook his head, “I went to straighten him out after he made me look like a total dumbass in front of Fowler. I never made it inside, but he humored me with an open door when I got him angry enough. He’s just a depressed son-of-a-bitch who doesn’t belong here and doesn’t want to be here. Why’d you even bring him back, Anderson? He doesn’t have it in him to-”  
Anderson grabbed the collar of his suit, stopping Gavin before he could continue.  
“You’ve got a lot of nerve spouting off insults like that, kid. I’d watch your mouth before you spoke ill of him again.”  
“What are you, his daddy?” Gavin smirked, easily hiding the minuscule shock anxiety the small physical attack caused him, “I may have gotten some help in this program, but I don’t need anyone protecting me.”  
“He doesn’t need to be protected, but he deserves your respect,” Anderson spat, a few strands of silver hair falling from his ponytail as he spoke angrily, “and you need to learn a little bit of that, you fucking brat.”  
“Well, where is he, then?” Gavin jerked out of Anderson’s grip, “if he’s worth all this trouble, why is he nearly a fucking hour late to our test drift?”  
Anderson frowned, glancing at his watch before someone came rushing up. He looked a bit shaken, as if he had encountered a ghost.  
“Lieutenant Anderson, Richard is unable to come in today.”  
“What?” Anderson barked, ignoring the caw of petty laughter that erupted from Gavin at the announcement.  
“Hangover!” Gavin snorted.  
“He forgot his charger and-“  
“That fucking dumbass…” Anderson shook his head, “go to Elijah and ask if he’s got anything in his facility, if not, I’ll order a new one in from the city.”  
Gavin’s mind went to the strange end to their conversation the night before.  
“What’s he need a goddamn charger for? His phone die or something?”  
Anderson spun on Gavin, grabbing the messenger boy by his dull jacket before he could run off again.  
“You know what? You’ve got nothing better to do today, why don’t you take care of this? Maybe you’ll learn some fucking manners!”  
“What? I’m not a fucking delivery boy!” Gavin retorted as his suit was taken apart again.  
“You’re his drift partner, you ought to care about his well being, not laugh at it,” Anderson shook his head, “do it. That’s an order, you entitled bitch.”  
Gavin ground his teeth angrily, the petty order making his stomach turn.  
“I’m not your servant, and I’m not his,” he hissed.  
“Well, think of it this way, Reed,” Anderson started walking away, which hit Gavin’s nerves especially hard, “if you want to pilot, you’re gonna need to get somewhere with him. Don’t be ungrateful, this is an opportunity. Don’t waste it, you fucking idiot.”  
Gavin sneered at the door Lieutenant Anderson walked through, wanting to wring the old man’s neck. This wasn’t an opportunity. What kind of stupid girl scout shit was that?  
“You’re free to go, sir,” one of the aids murmured like a scared mouse.  
“Thanks,” Gavin stormed off. It wasn’t their fault, but he had no other outlet for his burning anger, and he knew it was going to get worse as the day progressed.  
He stomped through the ironclad hallways, his eyes following the directions painted onto the pipes as he made his way to Elijah’s facility. He had a tendency for getting lost, and he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself more than once this week.  
“Oof, I sense my angry bastard brother has entered the room,” Elijah laughed the moment Gavin set foot in the large facility. He stood at a light board, RK9’s design projected onto it.  
“Richard forgot his… charger….” Gavin managed to spit out as he tried not to explode right then. If Elijah would keep it to a minimum perhaps he could make it out of the facility without incident.  
“No need to be so loud about it,” Elijah turned, adjusting his glasses as he wandered to a large box of random materials.  
“What do you mean, loud?” Gavin griped.  
“You do everything at top volume, Gav. Maybe if you spoke and acted like a normal human being you wouldn’t be treated like a toddler and given such menial tasks that were meant to simply get you out of people’s hair.”  
Gavin clenched his fists, trying not to fall for his snide taunts.  
“Looks like I don’t have exactly what he needs, but I can fix one up for him faster than it’ll take to order one in, just sit down and wait a second.”  
Sitting, Gavin rolled the chair across the large, circular room to a building area, where Elijah put on a layer of protective goggles and gloves, slinging a wire across a table along with several attachments.  
“What is this even for?” Gavin muttered, “he’s wasting everyone’s time.”  
Elijah snorted, “god, you really are a dumbass if you don’t know what this is for.”  
“Is it for that aid he used in the ring to beat me?” Gavin asked angrily, “there’s no way that bastard was stronger than me-“  
“You thought he was using a skill-improvement aide?” Elijah howled with laughter, “hold on, hold on, I need to finish soldering this before I can laugh appropriately at your idiocy.”  
Gavin’s felt his face flush with anger as he looked away from the table, the light too bright for him to look on.  
“You’re giving this to him, right?” Elijah asked after a long silence.  
“I wouldn’t be here asking you for it if I wasn’t,” Gavin grumbled, tracing his fingers over the sides of the chair he was sitting in for the hundredth time, “it was Anderson’s dumb fucking idea.”  
“Oh, he’s brilliant,” Elijah chuckled, tapping Gavin on the shoulder, “just don’t be a brute for like, five seconds and I think you might survive the encounter.”  
Gavin snatched the wire and glared at Elijah vehemently before stomping away. He couldn’t think of a response that fit the moment, and if he had learned anything about Elijah, it was that poor comebacks always resulted in Gavin being turned into an even greater dumbass.  
Inspecting the wires carefully, Gavin couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to work. It definitely plugged into a wall, but the opposite end had an insert he had never seen before, and he had been around Elijah’s equipment enough to feel like he had seen a lifetime’s worth of strange machinery. It looked like a medical syringe.  
Before he knew it, Gavin was in front of Richard’s door again. His heartbeat fast and he felt anxiety build up in his chest. Were Anderson and Elijah laughing because they knew Richard was a mean drunk and even meaner when he was hungover?  
He closed his eyes, trying to expel the memories that cropped up in the front of his mind. Bottles smashing, fists flying. Angry drunk. Angry drunk.  
Gavin knocked on the door after itching the scar on his nose, clenching the wires like they were his lifeline.


	8. Flower Is Not a Flower

His eyes were still closed when Richard’s voice grumbled through the thick steel.  
“Just leave it on the steps and piss off.”  
Gavin’s eyes shot open. He was already leaning over to do just that when he stopped himself. The more proud part of his mind wasn’t going to let him get treated like a servant.  
“Don’t pretend you aren’t so out of it you can’t use this properly,” Gavin started, pulling whatever he could out of his ass and figuring Richard was so hungover that he would agree and open the door, giving an opportunity for him to investigate what was really going on.  
Shockingly, the door opened for that phrase alone, revealing a totally defeated man with dark rings under his eyes and black hair pushed in all directions on his head. It looked more like he had gotten in a fight than just woken up.   
“You look like shit,” Gavin said before he could stop himself.  
“Just come in before I change my mind,” Richard growled callously. Gavin ignored the spike of anxiety and stepped into the room, the door closing behind him.  
“I’m guessing Hank put you up to this?”  
Gavin blinked, not expecting a civil conversation, “yeah. I told him he was a fucking dumbass.”  
“For once, I agree with you,” Richard walked awkwardly, as if a weight were on his right shoulder. His whole right arm swung limply at his side. He was still wearing the long-sleeved shirt and gloves from the night before.  
“Do you sleep in this getup?” Gavin joked, plugging the long wire into the wall and scanning the room for something helpful to understand who he was talking to. Richard hadn’t even unpacked as far as he could tell. The only thing messing up the desk was a series of different types of hard whiskey, scotch, and vodka.  
“I didn’t sleep,” Richard replied stiffly, grabbing the edge of his shirt collar and pulling it off.  
“What-“ Gavin started, confusion buzzing in his mind as Richard attempted to remove his shirt.  
“Dammit,” his unmoving right arm was caught in the shirt, “you’re here to fucking help me, aren’t you?”  
Gavin shoved down the red alarms going off in his head, but he forced it down like he did all of his other anxieties.  
“Help me, dumbass!” Richard interrupted the slew of thoughts, jumpstarting Gavin into action.  
Pulling off the shirt, Gavin’s chest tightened and all the air was knocked out of his lungs as he finally understood.  
“Holy fuck,” he whispered, having lost all ability filter himself as he stared, frozen in his spot completely.   
Richard’s right arm was entirely gone, replaced with a high-tech prosthetic that hung limply at his side. Thick scars bunched up where the prosthetic met his skin, but his torso was not sparse for marks, either. It looked like someone had dropped him in a blender for a couple seconds.  
“You gonna stare all day, or are you going to give me my charger?” Richard asked, his grey eyes boring into Gavin.  
Stumbling, he handed Richard the wire and watched as he plugged it into the upper shoulder of his prosthetic, flinching as he did so. It looked like it caused him a significant amount of pain.  
“You are seriously fucked up,” Gavin whispered.  
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Richard snorted, “I was trying to save your sorry ass from having to relive what happened to me in the drift. The look in your eyes right now tells me I was right about your ability to stomach it, and you’re just looking at the aftermath.”  
Gavin frowned, the comment snapping him out of his trance and whatever sympathy he had for Richard, “you think you’re the only one who’s ever had something horrible happen to them? You ain’t special, princess.”  
“I don’t need to defend my past, dipshit, I already know it was hell because I lived it. Don’t come to me with your sob stories about your past like it’s some sort of fucking competition.”  
Gavin was about to snap back when a loud alarm rang through the halls. They locked eyes, their argument lost in the wake of danger.  
“Kaiju,” the spoke in unison.


	9. Etude Op 10 No. 4

Richard leaned against the wall, curling the fingers of his prosthetic and uncurling them in the exercises he had memorized. Just because he wasn’t good at keeping it charged didn’t mean that he didn’t care about keeping up maintenance on occasion. Getting a replacement was a painful process that he didn’t want to repeat often if he could get away with it.  
Gavin had left only a minute or two after the alarms had gone off after Richard had insisted, since he was stuck to the plug in the wall.  
He stared at the exposed screen he had uncovered on the top side of the hand. It should be at full charge soon enough…  
A loud bang at his door interrupted his meditative thoughts and thrust him into fight mode again.  
“What the hell do you want?” He yelled, not wanting to get up and walk to the door for fear of what was behind it.  
“It’s a double event! They need backup!”  
It was Gavin.  
“Is your fucking arm charged or what?”  
He was gasping for breath, he had sprinted.  
“We have five active teams on duty, surely-“ Richard started.  
“Two of them are down, the other three are holding, but they’re both category 4 and if we lose any more Jaegers we’ll-“  
“Shit, okay I’m coming,” Richard ripped the plug out of his arm and pulled on a tank top.  
Throwing the door open, he ran with Gavin to the RK9 cockpit, where a team greeted them brusquely and began suiting them up immediately.  
“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Gavin asked, trying to keep up his tough-guy facade, “you look like shit.”  
“Well you act like shit, so maybe we can channel our shittiness for a few minutes and get some work done.”  
“That’s the spirit, nothing like a crisis to bring people together,” Hank’s voice sounded in the cockpit.  
“Fuck off, Hank,” Richard snapped, rolling his shoulders and head as he tested the movement he had in the suit.  
“After you, Richie.”  
“Richie?” Gavin smothered a laugh.  
“Shut it dipshit,” Richard barked at Gavin as he snapped his feet into the holding device, the feeling of being stuck filling him with anxiety.  
“Ready for the drop?” Hank asked.  
“Ready to kick some ass!” Gavin replied with his fake courage.  
This was going to be a disaster.  
“Remember what I told you,” Richard muttered, “don’t let me chase the rabbit.”  
This sobered Gavin up quickly.  
“I’m not your brother, you know. I can’t-“  
Richard didn’t look in his direction, the cockpit dropping down and screwing onto the head of the Jaeger.  
“Preparing for neural handshake,” Hank informed.  
Richard took a deep breath.  
“Richard?” Gavin spoke again.  
“Get ready.”  
Richard wasn’t really talking to Gavin right then. He was mostly talking to himself.  
“Initiating neural handshake.”  
Images flowed through his mind at an incomprehensible speed, yet he felt intimately familiar with each memory. At first, they were all his own, but then Gavin’s leaked through. He wasn’t used to sharing memories with someone who didn’t have nearly identical memories as his own.  
He felt sick to his stomach. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so hard on Gavin. His life had been ugly from the very beginning.  
Bracing himself, he was thrust into the memory of Connor’s death. The salt was in his mouth. The blood. Pain. So much pain. Fear. It was all so real… maybe if he could do something different, he could change it…  
“Richard!”  
“Connor!” He yelled, turning to his brother. He was still alive here. He was still alive- he could do something about it-  
“Richard, come on! It’s not real!”  
“Disengage, Connor! It’s not safe!” Richard yelled, pulling at his right arm to release himself from his own seat.  
“Richard! It’s just a memory!”  
The voice… it wasn’t Connor’s. It was someone else.  
“I can save him!” Richard screamed.  
“He’s already gone! There are people who are still alive that need saving!” Gavin roared, “get your shit together, man!”  
Blinking, Richard found himself in the present again.  
“Sorry,” he breathed.  
“Shut up,” Gavin muttered.  
“God, you two are gonna kill me. We’re at 75% alignment, which will have to do considering the circumstances. It’s a lot better than I thought we would be,” Anderson’s voice crackled over the intercom.  
“What can I say? My brother is a shitty partner. He doesn’t know how to carry his weight.”  
Elijah’s voice could just barely be heard over the intercom. It was obviously not intended to be heard, but Richard felt the hurt and frustration practically leaking out of Gavin.  
“Fuck off, rat face,” he barked, “if I hear your over-acted cool guy routine voice one more time I’ll personally find you and throw you off the top of a Jaeger, got it?”  
Gavin was silent.  
“You gonna defend my bastard brother now? God knows he needs a little help in this life. He was dropped a few times as a child.”  
“I warned you, motherfucker,” Richard hissed.  
“Either shut up or get out, Elijah,” Hank ordered.  
“Where’s the drop off?”  
“Close to shore, about 5 kilometers.”  
Richard turned to Gavin, “we’re ready when you are.”  
Gavin didn’t meet his gaze, it seemed all the fire had been sucked out of his personality. Richard could feel the fear like sweat on his own skin.  
“Preparing to drop, setting up visuals.”  
Richard began to drown out the protocol as the screen in front of them came to life. His heart raced and his body buzzed with adrenaline.  
“We’re not ready,” Gavin murmured, “we’re not aligned-“  
“Then get aligned!” Richard interrupted, “where’s your kick-ass attitude, huh?”  
“I-“  
“You’re strong as fuck and I’ve got experience. We’re gonna take these motherfuckers down. You just have to trust me.”  
“You don’t even trust yourself!” Gavin exclaimed, “You want to die!”  
“Sure, I personally want to die, but not with you in the cabin with me, dumbass.”  
“Dropping in five.”  
“And I’m not going to let some other pilots die just because I’m a selfish bastard,” Richard added.  
The rush of gravity hit them in the gut as they fell into the ocean, the impact thrusting them down hard.  
“This is not a time for self-doubt, Gavin!” Richard exclaimed as they stepped forward, the monsters clearly visible from a distance. They were wreaking havoc on the less experienced pilots, who had been disabled by one of the beasts.  
“12:00, both approaching fast,” Gavin murmured.  
“Brace yourself!” Richard stepped back, activating the spinning blade on his right arm and swinging it forward before the monster had even leaped out of the water, putting it in the perfect position to cut its insides open the moment it leapt for the attack.  
The creature pounded into their machine, and they pushed back in unison, the pressure making it slightly difficult, but Gavin’s brute strength shone through.  
“What the hell, dude? You’re literally strong as fuck!” Richard laughed, “you know, when we were on the training pad you almost knocked me over? If it hadn’t been for my prosthetic you would’ve hammered me-“  
“I know,” Gavin finally responded, “I’m inside your head, remember?”  
Richard forced a laugh, following Gavin’s movements as he unloaded four clips into the chest of the Kaiju.  
“Alright!” Richard cheered, only to be cut off by the impact of the second Kaiju as it used the corpse of its own species to slice into RK9's body.  
“Let’s give him some heat!” Richard ordered, recovering quickly from the knock-back.  
The reactor blew out a jet of high-intensity heat, blowing the two beasts off their Jaeger and throwing them on their back into the water.  
The jarring movement shook Richard, the sloshing of waves over the screen of the Jaeger sending his insides tumbling.  
Removing his helmet, he vomited all over the front of his suit.  
“Richard?”  
“I’m fine, let’s get up!”  
Before they could get back on their feet, the second kaiju slammed it’s hammer-shark head into them, pushing them into the ocean again.  
“I’ll hold it!” Gavin yelled, “light this bastard up!”  
“No!” Richard screamed, “get it away from us!”  
“This is our chance to kill it- we don’t have time to argue strategy!” Gavin yelled, “you’ve got a full clip! Send that bugger to hell, Richard!”  
Screaming as he stared at nothing, he pulled his arm against the suddenly broken cockpit. Saltwater was filling it. He was alone. His brother… his brother had been taken.  
He loaded the canon and blew the kaiju to bits, pain shooting through his arm as the memory took over his reality again. The wires ripped his suit apart and the metal of the protective cockpit now like shrapnel in his torso.  
“Connor…. Connor…” Richard wailed as everything went black.


	10. Dawn: Dario Marianelli

Waking up felt more like dragging himself out of the depths of a bog, but he was desperate for air, so he opened his eyes.  
“Fuck, Rich, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” Hank muttered, standing up and moving to the side of his hospital bed the moment he showed signs of being awake.  
“My head hurts like a bitch,” Richard complained.  
“Yeah, that’s what happens when you pass out while in the drift, dumbass.”  
His eyes shot open, “what happened? How’d I get here? Where’s Connor?”  
Hank’s face fell and Richard remembered.  
“Don’t answer that,” he whispered, “sorry.”  
“Gavin had to walk RK9 in all by himself, poor kid. He may be a dumbass, but he’s in hospice now too because you fucking abandoned him out there.”  
“Don’t give me a lecture, Hank,” Richard glowered, rubbing his temples as he tried to calm the throbbing that threatened to pop his eyeballs out of their sockets.  
“That fight was a shit show, Rich, and you know it. We have two weeks before the next double event. We need to act fast. We don’t have time for you to still be crying about your brother in the cockpit.”  
“Fuck off,” Richard murmured, laying back down slowly and inspecting his prosthetic, which was still in perfect condition and still had half charge. He must not have been out for very long.  
“After you,” Hank stood up, “Fowler and I have arranged some training simulations for you and Gavin to work together starting tomorrow. Now that we’re down three more Jaegers we need you two to be at the top of your game.”  
Richard groaned in response, closing his eyes and trying to fall back asleep the moment Hank had left the room. It seemed to work, but it felt like only moments later when someone walked in and disturbed his light sleep.  
“What the hell do you want now?” Richard grumbled, eyes still closed in protest to what he believed was Hank’s presence.  
“Well damn, I was just checking to see if you survived.”  
Richard forced open his eyes and looked at Gavin, who looked a bit shaken but altogether uninjured.  
“Thought you were Hank,” Richard grumbled, sitting up slowly so as to avoid the blood rushing out of his head.  
“Oh come on, there’s no way I smell as bad as that old fart,” Gavin retorted.  
Richard managed a small smile, “got me there.”  
It felt different. Even the silence felt different. Richard wasn’t sure whether or not he was comfortable with how much they knew about each other now, but it didn’t seem to matter.  
“I’m sorry,” he started, “I didn’t mean to-“  
“I know,” Gavin shrugged, “I made it, it’s fine.”  
“Headache?”  
“A shit one,” Gavin sat down on the edge of Richard’s bed, “but I’ve had worse.”  
Richard nodded, “I know.”  
They sat in silence for a while.  
“So… you hate my half brother too?” Gavin started, a small smirk on his face.  
“Rat face?” Richard snorted, “oh yeah. Cockiest son of a bitch I’ve ever met.”  
“God, you’re the first one who’s ever thought that about him that actually admitted it,” Gavin leaned back, “he’s a perfectly horrible dick.”  
“Speaking of rat face, I promised to beat the shit out of him,” Richard remembered, sitting up further.  
“Oh no wait-“ Gavin held out his hands, “he’s the one who got me this gig and he’s designing the bomb carriage on our Jaeger, I don’t want him fucking with us.”  
Richard acknowledged the real fear behind his words. Gavin had been abused far too many times by his brother and parents to actually let someone follow through with any threat they made on his behalf, let alone make a threat himself.  
“Right, well, you don’t have to deal with his shit all the time, Gavin.”  
“Easy for you to say. You had a perfect brother,” he murmured, “you were right. I’m a disgrace of a replacement.”  
“You’re not a replacement,” Richard corrected, “no one can replace my brother… but you can definitely be my friend. You know I haven’t really had loads of those.”  
“What an honor,” Gavin snickered, rolling his eyes before shifting his feet awkwardly, “honestly, it’s weird. We hated each other and now I can’t even get mad at you without feeling bad.”  
“Same here… but I guess that comes with the territory. I’m sorry for being such a dick earlier,” Richard looked away.  
“Whatever,” Gavin shrugged, an uncomfortable silence stretching out between them before Richard had to break it.  
“I don’t think I have to stay in here any longer, want to get something to eat?” he offered, “is it too late for that? What time is it? I haven’t eaten for like, two days.”  
“Oh my god,” Gavin stared at him, “was the alcohol you had in your room the only thing you’ve consumed since arriving here?”  
“You know the answer to that,” Richard grumbled.  
“And I thought my smoking habit was bad,” Gavin shook his head, “you really are a dumbass after all.”  
“We exude dumbass energy. We’re gonna save the world with our dumbassery,” Richard snorted, pulling himself out of bed and leaning on the edge as he tried to get his balance right again. His prosthetic made it difficult to reorient after lying down or passing out.  
“Need some help?” Gavin offered.  
“I’m not fucking handicapped,” Richard snapped.  
“I think you fucking are, actually,” Gavin laughed, “you’ve only got one arm, buddy, pretty sure that counts as a handicap.”  
Richard glared at Gavin as he reached out and planted his left arm on his shoulder, pushing himself upright and taking a few steps before getting his center of gravity figured out again.

They had barely made it down two hallways when Elijah found them. He pretended it was a coincidence, but Richard knew he had access to the security cameras.  
“How’s it going, rat face?” Richard asked, taking note that Gavin stood a pace behind him, as if the distance would shield him from a real interaction with Elijah.  
“Just dandy, actually. Chloe agreed to do dinner with me. She and her pilot partner just arrived to replace the ones we lost.”  
Richard raised an eyebrow, “Chloe Winn? Isn’t she-“  
Gavin elbowed him in the side before he could finish, “I’m sure it’ll be a great lunch, she must like you a lot as a friend,” he snarked.  
“You’re just jealous because you have neither friends or partners,” Elijah retorted, “unless you just landed yourself a sugar daddy?” He winked at Richard, “I bet he’ll treat you better than your bitch of a mo-“  
Richard barely even knew what had happened, but his fist had found its way to Elijah’s face and knocked him off his feet and into the wall so hard that the pipes burst.  
“I said watch it, motherfucker,” he whispered as he held Elijah against the wall, holding up his right hand, “that was just my left hook. Hang around and you’ll find out how well designed this piece of machinery is.”  
He allowed Elijah to slip away like a chihuahua with its tail between its legs.  
“Sorry, Gavin, I didn’t mean to-“  
“Shhhh,” he cut him off, holding up a hand to stop him, “I’m trying to preserve this moment in my memory forever.”  
“Why is Chloe doing lunch with him? She’s literally a lesbian.”  
“He doesn’t know that,” Gavin laughed, “She and Tina find it pretty funny.”  
“She and Tina are still together?” Richard raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, were they going through a rough patch when you knew them?” Gavin asked as he followed Richard through the winding halls.  
“They would break up at least twice a week,” he snorted, “but hey, they couldn’t deny being an excellent team, so they couldn’t bear to be broken up as a pilot partnership.”  
“That’s probably why they stayed together,” Gavin decided.  
“It’s the shared trauma,” Richard agreed.  
They both laughed.  
“So your only revenge on your brother is getting a lesbian to lead him on forever?”  
Gavin shrugged, “I’m a little passive-aggressive.”  
“That’s more than just a little passive-aggressive,” Richard noted as they found the cafeteria and got in line.  
“You’ve got to cherish the small wins in life,” Gavin grabbed a tray for himself and handed one to Richard, “especially when life treats you like an elementary school bully.”  
“Well, you took down two kaiju in one day and piloted a Jaeger on your own on your very first live mission. I’d say that’s more than just a small win. If you had a less shitty partner, you’d probably do pretty well for yourself, I’d say.”  
“No,” Gavin shook his head, “you don’t get it. We dumbasses need each other.”  
“I can drink to that,” Richard grinned.


	11. Winter Day (Vinogradov)

“Honestly, I’m impressed how well you handed your first drift,” Richard commented as they wandered the halls. They had discussed their performance over dinner and Richard had decided to take Gavin to the top floor to watch the engineers do repairs on RK9 while they talked. He had gone on and on about how breathtaking it all was, which Gavin had come to understand about Richard because of the drift, but it all still seemed a bit weird.  
They had gone from hating each other to understanding each other perfectly. It was evident they both weren’t sure how to deal with it, but it was a pleasant change from their previous couple of interactions.  
Gavin would never admit it, but it felt nice to talk to someone who actually understood him. He wasn’t sure if Richard gave a damn, but he was very good at pretending if he didn’t, and that was good enough for him.  
“Well, it wasn’t exactly fun,” Gavin admitted, shuddering at the memories he had to live and relive.  
“Usually first timers chase the rabbit… but you didn’t even bother.”  
“What can I say, I’m good at running from my problems.”  
Richard stopped at the elevator, “you’re fucked up.”  
“Says the guy who looks like he got dropped in a garbage disposal and threw up all over himself in the cockpit.”  
“Hey, no need for unnecessary digs,” Richard snipped, pressing the button, “I just wanted to know if you had any desire to, uh, talk about it.”  
“What’s there to talk about? You know everything I’ve ever felt or thought about my life,” Gavin griped, feeling his defensive walls building up.  
“I was just offering. Just because I drifted with you doesn’t mean that you don’t need to talk about it.”  
“Well, do you want to talk about your brother?” Gavin shot back, wishing he had more control over his emotions.  
“Ah… you got me there,” Richard sighed, “I guess it’s fine, then. We don’t have to talk about it.”  
“that’s what I thought, dumbass,” Gavin folded his arms, the elevator doors sliding open to reveal a brilliant view of RK9 as it was being worked on. Richard was right, it was a sight to behold.  
“Wow.”  
“I told you,” Richard smirked, sitting down on the iron balcony and letting his legs hang over the edge.  
“I really don’t envy other pilots, I had it so good with my brother,” he continued, leaning against the railing, “it was like experiencing my own memories with him. We were 100% aligned.”  
“That’s insane, no one is ever that perfectly in sync,” Gavin shook his head, “they were probably telling you that just to make you feel better.”  
“You know that’s not true,” Richard murmured, “you didn’t experience just me in that cockpit, but my brother, too. My better half, according to Hank.”  
“Well, Anderson is a fucking bastard,” Gavin snorted.  
“He’s not wrong,” Richard shook his head, “the only reason I came here was because Hank played on that very fact. The world deserved Connor.”  
It was at this point that Richard pulled out a large flask from the inside of his jacket and put it to his lips.  
“That doesn’t make the hurt go away, you know,” Gavin muttered, feeling uptight the moment he realized what was in the flask.  
“Smoking doesn’t either, but that never stopped you.”  
“I wouldn’t care so much if I didn’t know I was gonna have to get in the Jaeger with you again. Part of the reason you’re so fucking messed up is because you shit-face yourself every single night. We’ll never be able to get this job done if you keep this up.”  
Richard stared at the flask in his hand and looked over at Gavin.  
“I never had a drinking problem before, you know-“  
“I know, it was Connor who was the drunk before you guys became pilots.”  
“This is his flask,” he continued after Gavin had spoken.  
Gavin wasn’t really sure what to do at this point. No one had been so emotionally vulnerable with him before. He knew why Richard was in pain but he felt completely useless. There is no comfort in loss that deep and that scarring.  
“How do you just let it go?” Richard asked after an extended pause. Gavin thought he might’ve gotten lost in his head while inspecting the flask.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You’ve been abused, beaten, and… yeah… treated like shit since you were a kid. How do you just let those memories fly by like they’re nothing?”  
Gavin almost laughed, “Richard, I’m an asshole. Everything wrong with me now is a result of the things that happened to me then. If I had just let them go then I probably wouldn’t be such a failure at everything.”  
Richard shook his head, “you’re not being an asshole right now. And you aren’t a failure.”  
Gavin bit his lip, “I’m not sure what I’m being right now.”  
“A friend.”  
He looked over at Richard just to check that he was joking.  
“I don’t know how to be a friend.”  
“Neither do I, dumbass,” Richard snorted, “but it’s nice to know that someone knows exactly how I feel. You don’t treat me like shit about it, either, which is what Hank does. He has good intentions deep down, but he’s still totally whipped by this program and Fowler, which totally fucked up our relationship.”  
“This whole thing is fucked up, you know?” Gavin agreed, “there are literal alien monsters coming out of the ocean. Who would’ve guessed?”  
Richard laughed, “not me.”  
Once again, there was a long period of silence before Gavin finally decided to break it.  
“Are you going to be okay to drift again tomorrow?”  
Another long silence.  
“Richard?”  
“I don’t ever want to do that again,” he admitted quietly, his voice barely audible over the sounds of machinery, “but I don’t have a fucking choice in the matter.”  
“I’m sorry…”  
“Why? It’s not your fault I’m such a sorry bitch. I should be the one apologizing!” He downed whatever was left in his flask.  
“I can’t stand to see him.”  
Richard’s voice shook, “to hear his voice. To experience those memories. To know that he’s still right in my head…”  
A loud bang echoed around them as Richard slammed his prosthetic into the ground next to him, leaving a small dent, “fuck!”  
Gavin was stunned into silence, his anxiety skyrocketing as Richard stood up shakily, “I need to go- sorry- just-“  
It wasn’t hard to see he was on the brink of tears, even in the dim light.  
As if to add insult to injury, Richard’s arm suddenly went limp and he winced in pain, “shit!”  
“That thing doesn’t hold charge very well, does it?” Gavin spoke hesitantly, standing up to give himself a safety space away from Richard’s unpredictable drunken emotions.  
“It’s a piece of shit, that’s what it is,” Richard leaned against the wall, “but I guess it matches the owner.”  
“Let me help you get back to your room, okay?”  
“Just because we’re nice to each other now doesn’t mean you have to do things I know you hate,” Richard growled, “drop the helpful act and just let me go.”  
“I’m just investing in my own damn future, dumbass,” Gavin snapped back, letting Richard lean on him, “unlike yourself, I actually want to live!”  
“What are you going to do with your life when this is all over, huh? What’s so special about your future that it’s worth living for?” Richard muttered as they stumbled into the elevator.  
“I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out,” Gavin felt ill. He wanted to run. A thousand memories cropped up in his mind. The words stung more coming from Richard than they had coming from Elijah’s mother.  
“You should be a police officer or something,” Richard murmured.  
“Huh?” Gavin laughed, trying to grab onto the unexpected turn in the mood of the conversation.  
“You’ve got the grit for it. You could help kids like you, ya know?”  
Gavin hadn’t ever considered it, but for some reason, it didn’t sound like too bad of an idea.  
“What about you, is there anything you want to do?”  
Richard chuckled as they made for his room, “I’m going out with a bang.”  
Gavin sighed, “would you at least humor my question?”  
Keeping him on a positive line of thinking was all he knew to do. Just to keep him from getting angry again…  
“I’m a useless piece of shit, can I get paid for that?” Richard slurred as he struggled to put his key into the door. Whatever had been in that flask worked incredibly fast. Gavin ended up taking the key and doing it for him.  
“No, you can’t, unfortunately, or else I’d already be rich. I’m basically a professional piece of shit,” Gavin replied, helping Richard onto his bed and plugging the wire into his arm.  
“Fuck!” Richard yelled, “that fucking hurts, dipshit!”  
“Okay okay,” Gavin backed away immediately, “I’m sorry!”  
Richard groaned as he groped through his empty bottles of vodka.  
“Lord, do you drink those straight?” Gavin shook his head, “you’re fucking wasted.”  
“I know,” Richard gave up, “I’m a loser. A fake. Connor should be here, not me. Connor would be better at this. He would be a better fit for you-“  
Gavin stayed quiet as Richard broke down into tears.  
“I was supposed to be on his side! But we switched because the left arm was a little harder to maneuver, and since he was the ‘older brother’ he wanted to let me have the easier hand- I fucking let him die! How am I supposed to live with that?”  
Gavin stared at Richard helplessly. He looked so small right then, even though he was by far taller and broader than Gavin could ever hope to be. His face was pale except for the puffiness of his eyes and the tear stains on his cheeks.  
“I don’t have an answer for that, Richard. But I don’t think drinking or suicide is the answer if you’re looking for an opinion.”  
Richard glared at him, “I thought you would understand.”  
“Just because I understand how you feel doesn’t mean I agree with your conclusion,” Gavin protested, slowly making his way to the door.  
“Fuck off, Gavin.”  
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Gavin answered as he opened the door.  
“Get out!” Richard roared, sending Gavin down the hall faster than a spooked cat.


	12. Gaspard de la nuit

It had become very clear very quickly that Richard couldn’t stop chasing the rabbit. Two days into test runs and Gavin was beginning to boil over with frustration, despite the new-and much friendlier-connection that formed between the two pilots.  
The only way to get his mind off of the snag in his brain was by walking. His father had always accused Gavin of running from his problems, as if it was wrong to run away from your abusers. Exercise was the only way he had felt like he could have some control. If he could outrun his mother or hold a door against her boyfriend then he survived another day. After moving out, however, exercise had become his only way to think. All he had to do was find the gym.  
In the dome, there weren’t a lot of places to go while he was on call, and he often got lost. The facility was not well designed for someone as hopeless as he was directionally. It was a mystery how he made it to his room every night.  
Mulling over what his biggest issue was in the drift he found himself wandering into a training hall. He had been looking for the hall for hours, but had ended up on the other side of the building. This one was smaller, likely for personal sessions between pilots. There were individual rooms with smaller pads. The first one he glanced in had a couple of pilots meditating together.  
Gavin rolled his eyes. Meditation wasn’t an option for his distracted brain. He could hardly stay on topic during a one-on-one conversation, let alone keep his thoughts under control.  
He tried a few of the doors to empty training halls, but quickly discovered that the rooms were specifically for certain pilots. Each team had its own.  
Trying one last door, it opened and Gavin held his breath, glancing inside quickly to make sure no one was inside.  
It was definitely occupied, and Gavin nearly slammed the door before stopping himself.  
Richard stood in the center of the room, loud music playing as he stepped through several series of combat poses. He was entirely focused on what he was doing and didn’t notice the door open at all.  
He wore an expression of furious determination, but his eyes were empty. It was odd to see so much focus and yet sense the aura of someone who had already given up.  
It was in this moment that Gavin realized what he was hung up on, staring at his partner as he moved and spun, the rod in his hands swinging swiftly and the music setting the pace. It was graceful. Beautiful, even. But hopeless, bitter, and angry.  
The dark shadow of drunken anger and mindless savagery hung over Gavin’s memories like a guillotine. Richard’s tendency to react to his pain in the same way Gavin’s mother did was the reason for his hangup in the drift. The reason it was getting harder and harder to let go every time.  
It made Gavin angry, watching Richard dance around as if being here was helping anyone. Acting like he wasn’t hurting people. Like it didn’t matter.  
What made him even more furious, however, was how absolutely stunned Gavin was at the sight of Richard. Mr. Perfect. The most incredibly flawed perfect person Gavin had ever met. He constantly complained about how much better his brother, Connor, had been, but Gavin had seen the truth. Richard had been more organized, more responsible…better in every way… Gavin rejected the thoughts immediately, a sense of unfairness filling in the spot that had briefly held awe and attraction, as he decided to step into the room fully, announcing his presence.  
“What, you run out of alcohol or something?” Gavin scowled, the built-up anger he hadn’t managed to walk off reach a boiling point.  
Richard stopped suddenly, looking over at Gavin curiously before walking over to the wall and shutting off his music.  
“No,” Richard breathed, pulling his shirt on before turning to face him completely.  
“I’ve already seen it all twice, what’s the big deal?” Gavin snorted, “worried I’ll make fun of you or something? This isn’t kindergarten.”  
Richard glared, “I’m sorry, I just don’t like it when people stare at me. If you want my shirt off for other reasons, then that comes at a price.”  
“Fuck off,” Gavin growled, feeling the steaming anger build up hotter inside. Every single time he was pushed down his resentment built up. He was never on the top of an argument. He wasn’t ever fast enough or witty enough or smart enough…  
A staff flashed in front of him, and Gavin caught it without a second thought.  
“If you really must know, I’m trying to keep my mind occupied. I sense that my drinking problem may be affecting our ability to drift.”  
“I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that you can’t get over one memory,” Gavin muttered, feeling insecure at being called out so nakedly.  
“I’ll ignore that comment because I’m feeling unusually charitable right now,” Richard stood still in front of Gavin getting into position, “I’m trying to sober up a little bit. Maybe that’ll help.”  
“No kidding?” Gavin tapped the edge of Richard’s staff, “who gave you that idea?”  
“You.”  
Gavin fell silent, his attention focusing more on the physical conflict that Richard had invited him to participate in. He swung forward, ducking down and clipping a foot into Richard’s heels and sweeping him off his feet.  
Richard caught himself with his pole and used the leverage to hoist himself around and get below Gavin, bursting upward with the staff and pushing Gavin’s away.  
Letting himself get pushed into the mat, Gavin used the forward motion to tuck his feet underneath Richard and launch him over, sending him in an arc that Richard rolled away from without flinching. He looked impressed.  
“There’s more where that came from,” Gavin muttered, "I'm not distracted by a bunch of stupid observers."  
“I don’t doubt it,” Richard held up his staff and started forward slowly, “you’ve read me entirely.”  
“But you can match it just as well,” Gavin thrust his staff toward Richard’s neck, holding it close to insinuate a match win.  
“Definitely,” Richard tapped Gavin’s side, having moved for a hit at the exact same moment, “but that’s the point.”  
“What do you mean?” Gavin parried several blows as Richard forced him into a corner, only to find an opening to disarm Richard, flinging his staff out of the way the moment it left the grip of his prosthetic. Richard grabbed Gavin’s staff immediately with his left arm, holding it against Gavin’s superior strength.  
“That’s what pilots do,” Richard suddenly released the pressure, tripping up Gavin and pinning him into the mat, “they know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and they play a duet.”  
Gavin thrust his elbow into Richard and turned him into the mat, pinning him down hard and throwing his prosthetic out of the way as harshly as possible. The movement was accompanied by a soft pop somewhere in Richard’s machinery. Even with Gavin’s obvious advantage, Richard had managed to press the staff into his neck.  
“You’re strength and agility” -he was out of breath- “combined with my strategy.”  
“What are you trying to say? That we’re actually a good team or something? We can’t do shit!” Gavin stood up, pushing the staff away from his neck. The idea that someone would even insinuate that he was part of a functional team t this point was something he couldn’t quite comprehend.  
“Yeah, we’re a team,” Richard stood up slowly, “is that a problem?”  
Gavin realized too late that he was making a face.  
“Why are you saying this to me?”  
“No one’s here, Gavin. It’s not just because we have to work together like when we piloted RK9 our first day. It’s not because someone asked me to say it. I’m saying it because it’s true. You’re a shit-ton better than you think you are, Gavin.”  
Gavin felt his face go red, “why are you saying this? Are you crazy? Are you high on something?”  
Richard sighed, propping his staff against the wall, “no. I’m saying it because that’s what my brother would have said to you if he had been in my place.”  
“I don’t need your pity!” Gavin yelled, but the anger wasn’t there to back up his statement.  
“Of course you don’t,” Richard nodded, rolling his shoulder slowly, another popping sound following the movement, as well as some unhealthy clinking.  
“Is something broken?” Gavin asked, feeling derailed by Richard’s calm demeanor.  
“I don’t know, kind of sounds like it,” Richard glanced up and smirked at Gavin, “you’re a fucking beast.”  
“Do you want me to take a look?” Gavin offered, “I’m not my stupid half brother, but I can still…”  
“I’d pick you over rat-face any day,” Richard interrupted, pulling off his shirt again so that the shoulder blade pieces of the arm were exposed.  
The scars around the device were thick and calloused, distracting Gavin almost entirely from his task. He lifted up the plating piece by piece, searching for the loose bolt.  
“I think I found it,” Gavin reached into the device, surprised at how open it was. The plates gave only a thin covering to the wiring and ball-socket robotics. The loose bolt was actually a wire that had slipped out and was now hanging down into some of the rotating pieces, explaining the noise.  
“It’s a wire,” Gavin explained, “i’ll just plug it back in-“  
“What kind of wire?” Richard asked quickly, but Gavin was already securing it into its very clearly labeled position.  
The moment the wire locked into its socket, Richard lurched forward, a sound like a boiling tea kettle erupting from him as he tripped away from Gavin toward the door.  
“Wait- what did I just do?” Gavin asked.  
“It’s fine-“ Richard gasped, forcing a smile. His face was pale as snow as he stumbled toward the door, cutting off any continuation of their earlier conversation.  
He was gone before Gavin could say another word.


	13. Nocturne Op 48 No. 1 C minor

Gavin collapsed to his knees at the end of the drift, Richard hanging in his place like a puppet. He tried to hide the shaking, but after a week of failed drift attempts, he was coming to the end of his rope. He wasn’t sure if he could face his memories again.  
Even then, they were loud and clear at the forefront of his brain.  
Flashes of his mother and her boyfriend cornering him while they were drunk. Occasional visits by his father, the parent he and Elijah shared, with his wife, who made it her mission to make Gavin’s life even more miserable than it already was because he was the bastard child of her cheating husband.  
Slaps across the face. Bruises in the shape of hands on his neck. A deep cut that never got fixed properly across his face, painting him as the dropout criminal that he had never planned on being.  
It stung like the wounds hadn’t ever healed, and he felt the loneliness encompass him. The only way to survive was to run and hide if fighting didn’t work.  
“Got it, Reed?”  
Lieutenant Anderson’s voice interrupted his deluge of thoughts gruffly, reminding him that he was being lectured again outside of Richard’s hospital room.  
“Loud and clear,” Gavin grumbled, not making eye contact.  
“Repeat back the last thing I just said to you, then,” he ordered.  
Just then, the nurse opened Richard’s door.  
“Oooh, gotta, go. Maybe next time,” Gavin smirked, standing up and leaving Anderson in the hall.  
It was a black and white transition. The moment he stepped into the room his mind thrust the pain aside as he focused on something else. Richard. Something about that first actual training session with Richard had struck him more than being in a drift with Richard had, but Gavin couldn’t put his finger on it. All he knew was that he had decided to forgive Richard for being a stuck up ass.  
All of their drift attempts that week had ended with Richard in a memory coma for a while before he finally came to. There was usually about five hours of normal Richard that Gavin had at his disposal on a daily basis, and he had made it a goal to extend that time as much as he could. He was forming a plan to keep Richard away from his alcohol all night. The exercise and training hadn't been enough, even though it had helped a little bit.  
He was certain that if Richard could be sober for just one night they could make some progress. They were on a tight schedule, and things weren’t looking good so far, which Lieutenant Anderson had been so kind to remind him about for the seventh time that week.  
“How’s your head, dumbass?” Gavin asked the moment he made eye contact with Richard.  
“How are you not tired of this, dumbass?” He responded back glumly.  
Not a great start.  
“We’ll get it,” Gavin assured, “maybe my shitty brother is messing with the machine because you punched him in the face.”  
“As amusing as that would be if it were true, I’m afraid I won’t fall for such a poorly formulated response to my exhausted patience… and yours.”  
“Jesus, did you decide to pick up the oxford dictionary as a light bedside read last night?” Gavin snorted.  
“My Dad was a lawyer, Gavin, I can use big words if I want,” Richard grumbled, “Gavin, I can’t do this to you anymore.”  
“We just need to try something different-“  
“Don’t lie to me, Gav, I’m in your head. I know how much this is hurting you.”  
Gavin swallowed, the exhaustion of his memories weighing on his mind like an anchor. He wanted to cry, but he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t capable of being so vulnerable in front of another person, even if that person had experienced his memories in the drift.  
“Whatever, I’m a tough guy, I’m over it,” Gavin shrugged, unable to think up of a more elaborate lie and wanting to move on to the more important conversation topic he had in mind.  
“I was wondering if you wanted to join Chloe, Tina, and myself out of this hell hole and enjoy a festival going on in Nagoya proper tonight?”  
This seemed to lift Richard’s spirits a bit, which made Gavin unusually happy. When had he been driven so completely by the emotions of another person like this? He wasn’t sure if it was a bad thing or not, seeing as he had experienced so much emotional abuse in the past, but it didn’t seem bad. He liked being around Richard, despite his rough patches and the alcoholism. Which was really saying something.  
“When would we be leaving?”  
“I dunno, how fast can you get showered and ready to not look like you’ve been in solitary confinement for three weeks?”  
“I don’t think any amount of time will wash away the circles under my eyes,” Richard joked, sitting up and rolling his shoulders until they popped loudly.  
“Well, there’s this thing called sleep…” Gavin started.  
“Fuck off,” Richard rolled his eyes.  
“Well, do you want to go or not?”  
“So we’re third-wheeling on a date with Tina and Chloe?” Richard snickered, “we might as well just call it a double date at this point.”  
Gavin’s heart dropped into his gut.  
“Huh?”  
“What, you afraid of going on a date with me? What’s the big deal, anyway? We might die tomorrow or next week, what’s wrong with a little bit of fun? That’s why you’re asking me to go, right? You just don’t want me to grovel in my room and drink vodka all night long because I can’t seem to drop the habit.”  
“What the hell, dude, am I really that readable?” Gavin complained, wondering where the sudden 180 in attitude had come from. It seemed extremely out of character. He was practically acting giddy, and he wore an unsettling smile.  
“I’ve been in your head every day for the last 8 days. I think I know you,” Richard countered.  
“Fine, but I’m not dressing up for this,” Gavin grumbled as they walked out of the room.  
“You’ve seen me covered in my own vomit, I’m pretty sure you don’t have to dress up for me, Gavvie.”  
“I don’t need to try and impress you, anyway, Richie,” Gavin stuck out his tongue, playing off of Richard’s strange behavior while worrying about it at the same time, “you’re already smitten by my perfect physique.”  
“Fuck you,” Richard flipped him off as he stepped toward his bedroom door.  
“You couldn’t handle me,” Gavin shot back.  
“You’re basically a virgin! What’s there to handle?” Richard guffawed.  
“Takes one to know one, Richie,” he paused, “or should I just call you Dick, now?”  
“That’s my sugar daddy name, don’t wear it out, babe,” Richard stepped into his room.  
“Okay, jokes aside, when the fuck are you going to be ready?” Gavin asked before Richard could close the door.  
“I’ll meet you at the front entrance in an hour, okay?”  
Gavin nodded, then grabbed the door before it closed, “no drinking before we go, okay?”  
Richard raised an eyebrow before sighing.  
“Okay. I’m sorry. I’ve been trying not to drink around you as much. I’m sorry.”  
Gavin stopped him, “it’s okay, just… yeah. I want this to be a break, not another breakdown, okay?”  
“Wow, I think you’ve officially graduated from toddler to grown-ass adult in a week, I’m impressed. Not even I’m capable of that kind of turn around,” Richard joked, “okay, I’ll meet you in thirty minutes, then.”  
“That’s better,” Gavin nodded, letting the door close before yelling, “I was always an adult, asshole!”  
“Sure you were, dipshit!” Richard yelled back, “and my name is unicorn sparkle vomit!”  
“See you in thirty minutes, unicorn sparkle vomit!” Gavin yelled before taking off down the hall to his own room.


	14. Etude Op. 8 No. 12

“You actually convinced him to go?” Tina seemed genuinely shocked, “he never accepted an invitation to hang out from me when we were piloting in the same division!”  
“He didn’t want to third wheel, so he even declared that it would have to be a double date,” Gavin forced a laugh.  
“Really?” Chloe grinned, “does he like you?”  
“No,” Gavin shook his head, “I’ve been in his head all week, I would’ve been able to tell if he did.”  
Tina and Chloe exchanged glances, “drifts don’t really work like that. You don’t hear the voice inside his head. Most emotions are so complex it’s hard to tell them apart, especially under the circumstances of the drift.”  
Gavin shook his head, “you two are just hunting for drama to be a part of. Just stay off his back, okay? I’m trying to help him get out of his head a little bit.”  
“You think it’ll help?” Tina asked curiously.  
“I don’t know,” Gavin shrugged.  
“God, Gav, i didn’t know you were capable of being so nice and caring about another human being,” Chloe smirked, “when we were training you, you were never so thoughtful.”  
“Whatever,” Gavin grumbled.  
“I think you like him,” Tina poked his ribs with her elbow, “do you like him, Gavin?”  
“Fuck off, Tina,” Gavin growled.  
“Oh, I know he’s just head over heels in love with me, Tina,” Richard cut in, walking up to the group, “just like cats love baths.”  
They laughed, Gavin forced himself to join in.  
“How’s it going, unicorn sparkle vomit?” he asked as they headed away from the huge Jaeger dome.  
“Do I look like I’ve been in solitary confinement for three weeks?”  
Gavin looked him over quickly, painfully aware of Tina and Chloe’s prying eyes as they tried to read into every tiny movement. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.  
“You’ve improved slightly,” Gavin admitted, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets.  
“It’s definitely a better look than vomit suit, right?” Richard grinned.  
“Anything is an improvement from vomit suit, Rich,” Gavin joked, ignoring the annoyingly large grin he was receiving from Tina.

The festival itself was so full of life and colors in comparison to the Jaeger dome that Gavin found it relatively easy to forget the metal prison.  
They had traveled through the mini-game booths, tried all the food, and Tina was just loading up a Photo Booth when the alarms sounded.  
“There wasn’t supposed to be another one until next week!” Tina cursed, abandoning the Photo Booth and running for the main street.  
“Fucking hell!” Gavin looked around for Richard who had mentioned wanting to look at an antique hand pistol display briefly while they waited for Tina to load the Photo Booth.  
The panic of the crowds forced him away from the booth and to the main street. Tina and Chloe had beat the rush and were most likely already half-way to the dome.  
“Richard!” Gavin yelled frantically, “Richard!”  
The crowds shoved him toward the closest kaiju shelter.  
“No, wait! I need to get to the dome! I’m a pilot!” Gavin yelled in his sketchy Japanese. Enough people seemed to understand that he was able to crawl against the flow of traffic and burst onto the open road again.  
“Richard!” He yelled, running full tilt toward the dome, “Richard!”  
Nagoya’s safety defenses were raising up, the protective walls rising from the ground slowly as an extra measure. If he didn’t hurry he would never make it to the facility. Then again, without Richard, what would be the point of making it at all?  
“Richard! Where the fuck are you?”  
He figured Richard would make a break for the dome as well, and continued his breakneck pace to the entrance, which was still open. He could see two Jaegers being flown out. One of them was Point Break, Tina and Chloe’s monster machine. They only had two other functioning Jaegers. Fowler was probably holding them in to preserve what they had left. All the other resources they had were being dumped into the bomb.  
“Richard, come on!” Gavin begged, waiting at the entrance and watching the empty street for a silhouette.  
The distant roar of a kaiju chilled him as the wind picked up, bringing salty air and dropping temperatures.  
The walls were approaching the dome now, in a few minutes he would be locked out.  
“Richard!” Gavin yelled to no-one, a loud bang interrupting his desperate cry. He jumped, whipping around to see that the kaiju had gotten a lot closer than he had realized, Point Break had thrown the ugly beast against the wall near the dome.  
“Holy fuck! Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck. fuck fuck fuck-“ Gavin broke into a sprint so fast he was sure his legs would fall off.  
The reverberating bang of the wall breaking from the titans clashing rang in his ears as he made for the closest shelter. All the doors were closed.  
“No, no no no no,” Gavin’s heart pounded in his throat as he gasped for breath, the battle crashing into the city, Point Break’s damaged components visible in the bright lights of the festival.  
“Don’t you dare hurt them you fucker!” Gavin yelled as he stumbled through the maze of the festival, now locked into the place that had once been an exciting puzzle of winding booths and bright lights.  
Amidst the flying sparks and the roar of the battle, Gavin thought he saw someone standing near the fight, their silhouette unrecognizable in the insanity.  
Distracted by the person just asking to be killed by either the Jaeger or the kaiju, Gavin tripped over a box in a wider clearing, he scrambled to his feet and noticed that the box had broken open from his weight. They were fireworks.  
“Aha…Richard you fucker, smoking wasn’t ever gonna help me, my ass,” he smirked, pulling out his lighter and grabbing the nearest aerial he could find and lighting it, pointing it toward the beast, which had been thrown into the ground near him. The mortar box threw him back as the shell launched and exploded into the eye of the monster.  
“Take that, you ugly ass bitch!” Gavin yelled, the adrenaline making him crazy as he loaded the can and launched several more rounds, distracting the beast long enough for Point Break to blow its insides out.  
“Eat shit, motherfucker!” Gavin cheered, collapsing to his knees as the energy flew out of him. He sat in the now blue-blood covered grass and succumbed to the massive freak-out that had been smashed into the back of his brain by adrenaline.


	15. Heller Etude op 45 no 15

It took him only a few minutes to get back on his feet, pushing himself out of the filth and running toward the Jaeger that looked too damaged to get back up again. Tina and Chloe would need help out of the cockpit.  
Climbing over mounds of earth, he arrived at the head and found a small code box. It looked a bit like a garage opener, except a bit more beat up. Dialing the combination to open the emergency exit, Gavin heard the loud exhale of the head opening, releasing the pressurized oxygen within.  
“Oh thank god! I thought you guys said it was gonna be a few more minutes!” Tina exclaimed.  
“I’m not a lot of help, it’s just me,” Gavin announced, crawling into the head and wading through loose wire and machine refuse toward the two pilots.  
“Where the hell were you and Richard? We needed Nines!” Chloe gasped.  
“I have no idea where the fuck Richard even is,” Gavin exclaimed, “just be grateful I saved your dumb asses!”  
“Wait, was that you with the fireworks?” Tina burst as Gaven unlatched her from her seat.  
“Yeah, did it help at all?” He asked.  
“You’re the craziest idiot I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing,” Chloe breathed. She looked pretty banged up, “that thing was gonna take us down. It destroyed Majesty like it was nothing.”  
“Shit,” Gavin helped her down, keeping her off her feet and carrying her out of Point Break.  
“I think she’s got a broken femur,” Tina explained, “our cockpit got rattled.”  
“She’ll be in good hands with the medical team,” Gavin assured her, looking up as helicopters circled the festival grounds for a place to land.  
“I hope Richard is okay,” Chloe murmured, “I think he might’ve been having fun.”  
Gavin handed her off to the medical team the moment they landed, wondering what he should do next.  
“I’m going to find him, call me if he’s already in the dome, okay?” Gavin requested once he had snaked a radio off one of the workers, hoping to keep in contact with them while he continued his search.  
“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out,” Tina promised, noticing the radio and smiling slightly.  
Gavin stepped away and headed back to the last place he had seen Richard. The area had been crushed and deformed by the battle, the photo booth on top of a heap of crushed tents that had been swept to the side by a mound of dirt.  
“Richard!” Gavin yelled, “Richard!”  
He went in the direction he believed his partner might have gone, calling out for him every few minutes.  
Eventually, Gavin was called in. Richard would either find his way back or he would be found with the bodies. That’s just how it was, according to Anderson, who had found out he had stolen a radio.  
Gavin knocked on his door just to be sure once he was back in the dome. There was no answer.  
Before he could leave, however, Elijah practically teleported right behind him, having not made a sound during his approach.  
“You bastard!” He shoved Gavin into the door. It wasn’t very hard, but that didn’t matter. It was all he needed to become instantly terrified of his half-brother.  
“Chloe is in the hospital because of you!”  
“I didn’t-“  
“You should’ve been here, piloting a Jaeger, instead you were off frolicking at a festival with your deadbeat partner! I didn’t pay for you to get in here just for you to not be the degenerate meat shield I wanted to protect more important people! Like Chloe!”  
Gavin shrunk against the corner of the door.  
“I know, I’m sorry- I just-“  
“You’d better be sorry,” Elijah growled.  
He’d never been so emotional about anything before. Usually, just a bad look was enough for him to get his message across, but this was something entirely different. The calm and collected Elijah from before was gone. The manipulative one that sat on a higher chair, too proud to stoop low enough to commit physical violence personally.  
“If it weren’t for your part in the bomb mission, you’d be shit dead,” he continued. Gavin was hardly listening, however. Something else had his attention now.  
Someone was approaching them at a relatively fast pace from down the hall, and Gavin knew his silhouette like the back of his own hand.  
“Richard?” Gavin breathed, too shocked to say much of anything as the taller man seized Elijah with his prosthetic arm and threw him across the hall.  
“I can’t believe…. the audacity!” Richard slurred violently, spinning toward Elijah.  
Richard was filthy, like he actually been buried in one of those dirt mounds at the festival and had dug himself out. Gavin wasn’t sure where he had found the time to get this despicably drunk, however.  
“I didn’t think they hand-delivered trash to be taken out, but I guess tonight is my lucky night!”  
The fear in Elijah’s eyes was obvious even from Gavin’s point of view across the room.  
“Stay away from me!” Elijah yelped, but Richard was already upon him before he had figured out how to get up and get out of the way.  
“Listen up you sum’-bitch, if I ever catch you… terrorizing…” he chucked Elijah down the hall, “I swear I’ll kill you, motherfucker! I swear it! Stay away from him!”  
It was enough to send Gavin’s rat-faced half-brother sprinting down the hall and out of sight.  
Gavin was too petrified to move at first. It wasn’t until Richard turned and started walking toward him that he pulled himself together. The anger was gone from his eyes, and Gavin saw the tell-tale marks of a breakdown staining his cheeks.  
“Richard…”  
“I’m sorry, I promised… I promised…” he cried, “I’m sorry, Gavin. I tried. I really did, I-“  
“Come on,” Gavin offered hesitantly, opening the door to his room slightly, “you need to-“  
“Don’t!” Richard slammed his arm in front of the door, the impact sending a loud echo down the hall and causing Gavin to jump about a foot in the air, “don’t- don’t go in.”  
“Rich, you need help-“ he forced himself to speak through the fear.  
“I know, I know! Just- tomorrow, okay? Can I get help tomorrow? I thought you wanted me to get some sleep?”  
His arm powered down after he had listed off his excuses, opening up the doorway for Gavin and pulling him so off-balance he needed to be caught.  
“You need help now,” Gavin hauled him into the room and set him on his bed, laying him down and wondering why he was shaking so much. Had he really drunk so much more than any other night?  
Standing upright, his eyes immediately caught sight of an antique revolver that had obviously been purchased at the festival sitting on the desk.  
“What the fuck is this?” Gavin grabbed the gun and slammed open the cylinder. A single bullet was inside.  
“Gavin-“  
“What the fuck. What the fuck?” Gavin turned around, “were you just pretending the entire time? That you were trying? That you were having fun? That whole time you were just planning on killing yourself?”  
“Gavin-“  
“No! Shut the fuck up, asshole!” Gavin interrupted angrily, his skin burning and his eyes stinging, “you bitch! You selfish fucking bitch!” He yelled, emptying the cylinder and chucking the pieces into the trash bin that connected to the entire facility. There was no retrieving it after dumping it into that bottomless shaft.  
“Gavin-“  
“If you say ‘Gavin’ one more time I’m gonna wring your neck!” Gavin yelled, grabbing the litter of bottles, not caring whether they were empty or full and dumping them down the chute.  
“Hey!” Richard sat up, “that’s not for you to do!”  
“You’re incapable of doing it yourself, you dumb fuck!” Gavin retorted, his rage hotter than the anxiety building in his stomach.  
“Don’t do this! Stop!” Richard pulled himself off the bed and stumbled toward Gavin, which made him work faster.  
“I swear I’ll break your legs if you try and stop me,” Gavin threatened, grabbing the last of the bottles in the mini-fridge and clearing out all the shelves and secret places.  
“Gavin, stop!” Richard begged, tears running down his face as he grabbed at his jacket and tried to jerk him away from the final object hidden his jacket.  
“That’s Connor’s, stop!” Richard shoved Gavin, grabbing for the jacket, but fell for lack of balance. The flask was soon in Gavin’s hands and he held it above the chute threateningly.  
“Where were you when the kaiju attacked? Why are you covered in filth?” He demanded angrily, "I searched for you everywhere- I thought you were dead! And now you're trying to kill yourself?"  
“I-“  
“Answer me!”  
“Gavin, please don’t-“  
He chucked the flask down the chute without another word.  
Richard pushed himself up from the ground in a burst of mad rage and sent Gavin flying across the room with a hard kick to the gut.  
“I hate you! Get out, you fucking piece of shit!” Richard wailed as Gavin cowered in the corner of the room, the last of his bravery escaping him like the air that couldn’t seem to get back into his lungs.  
“That was my brother’s! That’s all I brought with me that was his!” Richard screamed at the top of his lungs, the words breaking into sobs, “I can’t- I can’t live without him, don’t you understand? How do you not understand?”  
This seemed to bring a flash of clarity back to him, because he suddenly stopped yelling, his left hand clasped to his mouth and his eyes wide. Gavin couldn’t tell if Richard was shaking or if he just thought Richard was shaking because he was shaking so badly.  
He backed away from Gavin slowly, “Oh my god… oh my god… you… I…I’m just like them. I’m just like your family…how could I do this to you…?”  
Moving all the way to the opposite corner, Richard sat down hard, letting his dead arm clank loudly against the metal floor, “I’m so sorry. Gavin, I’m so sorry.”


	16. Serenade

Richard lay in his bed all day the next day without moving. He wasn’t sure how he had managed to get into his bed, but he was certain it wasn’t Gavin, because he had run out of the room the moment the opportunity arose.  
He kicked himself mentally every few seconds for being such an idiot. How could he do that to him after sharing all the memories Gavin had about his abuse. How could he be so low as to play on Gavin’s darkest fears and anxieties?  
Not on purpose, of course, but he should’ve tried harder. He should’ve done something. He should’ve done more than say sorry.  
Connor would’ve done something more. He would’ve handled all of this better.  
More miserable than he had ever been, Richard was sure the best way to go was to waste away in the room, but even that didn’t seem to be a luxury he could afford. Hank was breaking in before breakfast hour was even over.  
“Word on the street is you were shit-faced last night,” he closed the door behind him, holding out a tray of food and a bottle that was most certainly filled with some god-forsaken concoction of diabolically disgusting flavor and texture.  
“I was a lot of things last night, namely a coward and an ass.”  
“Son, what’s done is done, all we can do is move forward,” Hank’s words of comfort fell on deaf ears. Richard had heard him say the same thing a hundred times, but he didn’t have the energy to tell him off about it.  
“I don’t have anything to move forward to,” Richard muttered.  
“How about we think a little closer, hm? Maybe just look forward to the end of the mission. Try to work toward a successful one, how does that sound?”  
“Like something you tell children when they’re misbehaving and you’re trying to tell them to do the same thing but with different words,” Richard raised an eyebrow, “we’ll get it done.”  
“Prove it, then. You have five days to get your shit together.”  
Richard gestured at the rest of the room as Hank plugged his arm in.  
“I guess I’ve stopped drinking, so that’s something.”  
Hank folded his arms, “you guess?”  
“Gavin… threw it all away last night,” Richard murmured.  
“Why? That’s not his job.”  
“I asked him to.”  
Richard didn’t dare make eye contact for fear that Hank would be able to tell that he was lying.  
“We’ve got to put all our energy into fixing up Point Break, so you’ve got the day off to figure yourself out. I recommend you and Gavin go to the simulator room on your own, but I don’t know what’s best for you to get the drift right.”  
Richard looked down into his lap, “well, if you see him tell him to knock on my door if he wants to do anything. Otherwise I think I’m better off being by myself.”  
“Do whatever, it’s not my business how you figure yourself out, you’ve ignored my recommendations so far.”  
Richard sighed, “because your recommendations suck. Just do what I asked, okay?”  
“Yes sir,” Hank rolled his eyes and walked out.

Richard was certain that he had ruined his friendship with Gavin permanently when there was a soft knock at his door that night. He walked to the door to check who it was, since he had barricaded the door so Hank couldn't break in again.  
He practically threw it open when he saw it was Gavin, then tried to retract the burst of energy because of its potential to come off as very weird or confrontational. He had been on edge all day since sending Hank away. Maybe it was just because all he had been thinking about was how he didn’t have anything to drink that night.  
Unfortunately, he had neglected to move the chair he had used to hold the knob, so when he opened the door the chair launched across the inside of his room with an uncomfortably loud clang.  
“Ah… I’m sorry…” Richard stepped away from the door, “Hank kept breaking into my room…”  
Gavin stood at the base of the steps, his arms folded as he inspected Richard’s room from a distance.  
“He didn’t get me more alcohol if that’s what you were thinking!” Richard burst angrily, the stress and anxiety that had been building inside picking the worst time to boil over.  
“I’m sorry I threw away your brother’s flask,” Gavin muttered, “that was an asshole move.”  
“I’m sorry for kicking you and threatening you. That was a dick move,” Richard returned as he attempted to lower his volume, “and I’m sorry for abandoning you at the festival, and for doing everything I did, and for being a shitty person, and for being a fucking retard and-  
“Jesus, just stop,” Gavin sighed, relaxing and stuffing his hands in his pockets, “just forget about it.”  
Richard felt sick, “how can I fix this?”  
“See, that’s exactly your problem,” Gavin shook his head, “you try to fix things that can’t be fixed. You act like you can go back in time and change what you’ve done, instead of just accepting that it happened and moving on. Maybe you learn from it, maybe you don’t. Maybe it makes you into more of a jerk, maybe it doesn’t.”  
Richard sighed, “listen, I just want to know if we’re still friends.”  
“Were we friends before?” Gavin squinted at him, “or was that a show you were putting on for Anderson or something?”  
“What? Hank knows that I’m just a shit bag full of problems. If anything, I would try to look worse for him.”  
“Well, congratulations, you look like shit, dick.”  
Richard snorted, “the only type of performance I care about.”  
He glanced back into his room, not wanting to think about having to sleep.  
“Want to watch them do maintenance?”  
Gavin frowned at him, “no, I think you need some sleep. Have you been resting at all today?”  
Looking down gave him away immediately to Gavin, who sighed dramatically, “do you ever actually sleep? I swear the only type of sleeping you do is through getting blackout drunk.”  
“Haha… you got me,” Richard whispered, ashamed at having to admit it out loud to anyone, “want to, uh, come in then?”  
Gavin entered the room, watching as Richard put up the chair under the knob again.  
“Hank disregards the hour more often than not,” he informed so that it wouldn’t look strange.  
Gavin grabbed the second chair available and sat it across from the bed before speaking.  
“We went from hating each other, to being more than tolerant of each other, to being friends, to being whatever this is in less than a month. Honestly, I just want to make sure that some things are clear before we start swearing by whatever we think we felt and saw in the drift.”  
Richard frowned as Gavin spoke, watching as he sat at the second chair across from his bed  
“What do you want that to look like?” he asked hesitantly, sitting on the edge of the bed and running circles over his legs and tapping his fingers.  
“First of all, why are you so anxious right now? Is it because I’m here, or is it because you don’t have any vodka?”  
Richard tried to hold still, but to no avail.  
“Second of all,” Gavin continued when the answer didn’t come immediately. Richard didn’t bother getting upset or stopping him, “why are you an alcoholic in the first place?”  
He leaned back as soon as he had finished the questions, making it clear he was going to wait out a verbal answer even thought he was fairly aware of the truth.  
“Well… I drink to forget,” Richard started, looking into his lap and wondering what he should say or how he should say it.  
“Maybe that’s not altogether accurate,” he decided, “I drink so much because when I pass out, I don’t dream. Every night I sleep sober I dream of that mission. The same. Dam. Nightmare. Every time.”  
Gavin remained silent.  
“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Richard looked up, “I lost my brother in a horrific way! Reliving it is the worst kind of nightmare there is.”  
He stopped, glancing at his right arm which was now plugged in and charging.  
“Losing him was like losing my arm,” he murmured, rubbing his fingers against the smooth metal alloy, “a piece of me that I can’t have back. I sense its absence all the time. I feel the pain of my arm as if it were still there, but It’s just a phantom pain. I look in the mirror and I see my brother, but when I lay down at night, I’m alone. I’ve never been alone. Just like my hands and feet, they come in twos. They weren’t meant to be alone.”  
Gavin took a deep breath as Richard spoke slowly.  
“If I understand correctly, you can’t sleep because you’re afraid of being alone. You don’t take care of your arm because you can’t admit that it’s actually gone so you purposely treat it like it’s not a machine. You can’t get over the memory in the drift because the moment you do you believe you’ll have to let Connor go.”  
Richard looked up at Gavin, partly frustrated that he summed it up so precisely and partly grateful that he understood him well enough to sum it up at all.  
“Yeah, I guess that’s the deal. Kinda sounds-“  
“It’s not stupid, dumbass. Get off your high horse,” Gavin stood up and moved across the room, sitting on the bed next to Richard, “but getting over the loss of the person closest to you is not the same as me throwing away that flask that belonged to him.”  
Richard could feel the breath catch in his throat.  
“You’re never going to forget him, are you?” Gavin encouraged.  
Richard shook his head slowly.  
“Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the past, Rich, it’s just accepting the past and letting it form your present and future if you want. You let your past turn you into a little bit of a drunk-ass suicidal bastard, but it doesn’t have to be like that.”  
Richard felt a small smile creep onto his face. The anxiety he had been experiencing had gone down severely.  
“You hear me?” Gavin asked, leaning back and looking at Richard sternly.  
“I hear you.”  
“Good,” Gavin leaned forward to step off the bed, “so are you going to try and-“  
“Wait,” Richard’s face burned when he realized what he had just done. His hand holding Gavin’s wrist tightly as he tried to figure out what he was doing.  
“You need to try and sleep, we can’t just talk all night.”  
But Gavin did not pull away from Richard’s grip.  
“No talking,” Richard promised, “I just-“  
He could feel the nausea swirling in his stomach and he wished he could just stop while he was behind but his mouth was still moving.  
“You don’t want to be alone,” Gavin finished.  
Before Richard could open his mouth to speak, Gavin held up his free hand and stopped him, “before you try and say something like ‘it’s stupid, and I’m being fucking weird because I’m so exhausted’ I’d like you stop, think, and possibly reconsider before you fuck with me and my emotions any more this week.”  
A thousand thoughts cropped up in what felt like fractions of a moment in his mind as he realized what was being said. What he was saying. What Gavin was admitting.  
“I… don’t know how I feel,” Richard admitted honestly, “but you’re the only person on this entire earth that I would ever ask this favor. Just one night. Please.”  
Gavin pulled his hand out of Richard’s grasp, “clarify what you mean by ‘how you feel’.”  
“You’re asking me if I like you. I’m telling you I’m not sure, but I trust you more than I trust anyone else.”  
“Okay,” Gavin nodded, “I’ll stay, but I’m sleeping on the floor.”


	17. Requiem in D Minor

Gavin had no clue what time it was, but it was definitely too early to be awake.  
He had rolled out his mattress on the floor of Richard’s room and had found it slightly more comfortable than the bed frame he had been using up until this point, which meant he had been sleeping a little more deeply than usual.  
This made the sudden wake-up even more jarring.  
Richard was practically screaming in his sleep, gripping his right arm and tearing at it violently, his fingers bleeding from the effort.  
“Hey! Wake up! Wake up!” Gavin shook Richard hard, but eventually resorted to pouring water over his face from the bottle next to his bed.  
“Get a grip, Rich! It was just a dream!” Gavin explained, holding Richard’s arms down as he pulled him into an upright position.  
“Connor?” Richard whispered, the hesitant and half-asleep voice breaking Gavin’s heart.  
“No, Rich. It’s Gavin.”  
Immediately, Richard’s head dropped down, landing on Gavin’s shoulder as he began to sob wretchedly.  
Wrapping his arms around Richard tightly, Gavin felt a strong need to protect him. It was overpowering and sudden, but he knew right then exactly how he felt about Richard, even with the words “I don’t know how I feel” echoing in his mind as a response to his own, unbridled affection.  
“Fuck you, Rich,” Gavin thought only to himself as he held Richard close, “fuck you.”

The next morning came with a loud knock at the door, Lieutenant Anderson’s voice booming into the room and sending Gavin scrambling to his feet and nearly pushing Richard onto the ground. They had fallen asleep propped against the wall in line with Richard’s bed.  
“You missed breakfast again, Rich! Are you okay? I mean, obviously you’re not okay, but you need to eat before we run trials again-“  
“I just slept late, okay?” Richard yelled, though his voice was hoarse. He was rubbing his head where he had bumped it when Gavin had jerked awake.  
“What have you been doing in there, gargling nails?” Anderson demanded, the knob turning into the chair and clanging to a halt, “let me in there!”  
“Just give me a second, holy shit, Hank, haven’t you heard of privacy? I’m not dead, I think that means you can leave me alone!”  
Anderson stopped trying to get in for a moment, “fine, well what should I do with this food I brought you then?”  
Gavin stared at Richard wide-eyed.  
“Don’t open the door,” he mouthed.  
“I know, idiot,” he stood up, “I’m not hungry, Hank, I just woke up. Maybe just save me an apple or two for when I get to the cockpit?”  
“Sure, whatever. Fucking weirdo,” Anderson muttered, “just be on time today, got it?”  
“Yeah, got it,” Richard breathed, waiting for Anderson’s footsteps to fade away before laughing, “I told you he just comes in when he pleases!”  
“Fuck, that guy could probably break into my room if he wanted,” Gavin laughed.  
They stared at each other for a moment.  
“Do you think he’ll try and break into my room?” He spoke quickly, rolling up his bed and shoving it a corner frantically.  
“Depends on whether or not he noticed you at breakfast, do you talk to him in the mornings?” Richard asked, helping Gavin quickly gather his things. He pointedly ignored his raw hand as if last night hadn’t happened.  
“No, I usually just grab a pear and get out.”  
“Oh, then we’re probably fine,” Richard relaxed, “we can get this stuff later when there’s not as much traffic in the halls.”  
“Oh my god,” Gavin’s heart stopped, “the halls. What is Elijah gonna say. He watches everything I do-“  
“I’ll tell him we used a ouija board to curse him with demons.”  
“He’s never going to believe that,” Gavin snorted.  
“Okay, okay,” Richard unplugged his arm, “how about we just tell him what he wants to hear.”  
“He wants to hear that I’m getting dicked down by my partner because he’s convinced I’m a sub and he would love to have one more disappointing thing about me to tell our father.”  
Richard laughed, “well, you are definitely a sub, so he's not wrong about that.”  
Gavin let his mouth hang open for a moment.  
“I mean, considering the size difference,” Richard winked, scrunching up his nose with a genuinely broad smile and laugh that could have stopped time.  
“Fuck you,” Gavin said as he tied down his mattress and waited for Richard to get ready.  
“Fuck me yourself, coward,” Richard said, opening the door and leading the way out of the room. Gavin knew he was joking, which made his insides burn even more.  
“Watch it, Rich, or you might just get what you ask for,” he warned, stepping out into the light and glancing down the halls as he berated himself for how stupid he sounded.  
Like a blessing from God it was completely empty, giving him the perfect opportunity to get to his room and change properly and prepare for their drift test.


	18. Liebestraum No. 3

The stream of memories was like an icy brook flowing over him. At some level, they were just images. They dredged up emotions that were unpleasant, but then the next memory would stream by that wasn’t his. Gavin would never admit it, but most of Richard’s memories were extremely pleasant in comparison to his own. He enjoyed them for the most part, but deep down he was a little jealous of them.   
As he experienced them now, it made a lot of sense to him why Richard experienced so much pain during the process. He had gone from relatively light forms of disappointment and mostly very good memories to probably one of the most painful and dark kinds of memories one can have.  
Gavin braced himself as he sensed the memories moving in that direction. It was like the Everest of memories. His own memories were easy to pass by simply because he had taught himself to ignore them all his life. During all of his simulations that was always his highest compliment. He may be an asshole, but at least he didn’t bring anything into the drift.  
Richard and Connor had brought everything to the drift, but being identical twin brothers made it feel like nothing at all, which meant Richard was particularly bad at it.  
The memories slowed, Richard was chasing the rabbit.  
“Come on, Rich!” Gavin yelled, “don’t chase the fucking rabbit!”  
The memories came to a halt and Gavin was forced to watch the scene as it was frozen in front of him. He had watched it so many times he had it practically memorized. He really didn’t enjoy having the gruesome image painted so perfectly onto his brain.  
Richard stared to his side, his right arm holding him back as it was bound tightly by the debris and shrapnel. The image was frozen still, meaning Richard hadn’t started the replay yet.  
“Richard, it’s just a memory! It’s not real!” Gavin yelled, trying to get his attention.  
In a shocking turn of events, Richard looked at him.  
“You’re not alone. I’m right next to you. This memory isn’t reality right now. You don’t have to live it again.”  
Richard looked over at his right arm, which was maimed and bleeding.  
“It’s already gone.”  
Gavin nodded, feeling as if he were reliving that night in Richard's room all over again, “yeah. It’s gone. You’ve got a different one now. It’s not as perfect, but it’s still an arm.”  
Richard looked up at him, and suddenly the rest of Richard’s memories became available to Gavin in a tight stream. The images were so thick with complicated emotions that Gavin could hardly stomach it, forcing himself to focus on letting the images go by instead of trying to dissect them. Even in the chaos, he did not miss the image of Richard standing in the middle of the battle in Nagoya, fireworks flashing in the background. That mysterious figure had been _him._  
Before Gavin could register completely what it meant, they were thrust back into the cockpit.  
“Neural handshake complete!” someone in the overhead speakers cheered.  
“Alignment is at 90%. That’s pretty damn good!”  
Gavin took a deep breath of relief, glancing over at Richard, who looked back at him with a lopsided grin.  
“What’s that face for, dumbass?” Gavin laughed, forgetting what he had seen almost immediately in his excitement that they had finally done it.  
“You say some of the weirdest shit, you know that?” Richard shook his head, “thank you.”  
“Whatever, I’m just glad you finally fucking did it. I’m sick of that stupid hospital routine.”  
“Take her out for a test walk, boys,” Anderson ordered.  
They stepped out of the nest, moving the arms and legs freely.  
“Alignment is at 93%.”  
“I dunno, I think we can exude perfect, 100% dumbass energy,” Richard snorted.  
“I think I’m being as much of a dumbass as I can possibly be,” Gavin admitted, “so you need to pick up the fucking slack, Richie.”  
“We’ll see who’s got slack when we’re down in the trench in a few days,” Richard countered.  
“It sounds like you two have figured things out,” Anderson’s voice interrupted, “so take Nines back and meet me and Fowler for a debriefing of the mission.”  
“Aye-aye,” Richard replied as they backed the RK9 into its nest and waited for the cockpit to find its way to the docking area.  
“Rich, we did it,” Gavin said slowly as the head slowed to a stop.  
“Yeah,” Richard breathed, “we made it.”  
“Are you okay with that?” Gavin asked seriously as the straps detached from his suit and they both dropped down.  
Richard straightened up, “I’ve got a new arm, now. He’s not as perfect, but he treats me just as good, if not better.”  
Gavin shook his head, “who’s saying weird shit, now?”  
Richard shoved his hand against Gavin’s head, dunking him down slightly and messing up his hair completely.  
“Come on, we don’t want to be late to the debrief you fucking weirdo.”  
“Fuck off,” Gavin followed after him, trying to fix his hair as they went.

“Based off of Amanda’s research, the destabilization can only occur if the bomb is at the base point of the portal,” Fowler said flatly, the projection displaying the strategized warpath, “we’ve added some armaments to RK9’s design to help her get through the portal safely, and to project you two out of the cockpit and back into our dimension before the detonation goes off.”  
“How reassuring,” Gavin grumbled, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms.  
“Due to their being a double event far earlier than we calculated, we believe that the event will likely hold some x factors,” Amanda explained. Elijah sat behind her in complete silence, staring between Gavin and Richard as if he were trying to figure something out.  
“It’ll probably be another double event,” Richard noted, “but what else are you thinking?”  
“Three, and bigger than we’ve seen,” Amanda replied stiffly.  
“What, like a category 5? Our Jaegers can barely keep category 4s down. They’re far bigger than our machines!”  
Gavin hated the look of cold pleasure in Elijah’s face as Richard voiced his fears bluntly.  
“This is where the team comes into play,” Fowler cut Richard off, “if we can just get the bomb down the chute and keep the brutes close enough to the portal then they’ll get caught in the blast.”  
“What about the pilots?”  
“We’ll have them eject at the same time you do,” Anderson explained.  
“Oh, and you think that the kaiju are just gonna let them float away?” Gavin interrupted, “fat fucking chance.”  
“It’s either risk that, or definitely getting blown to pieces. I think most people would take the chance,” Fowler replied calmly.  
“Aren’t you the one that launched fireworks at the kaiju from a couple days ago?” Amanda queried gently, “that was a shot in the dark, but it worked. You saved those pilots because of a chance and risked your own skin to do so. We’re asking you to make another risky play, Reed.”  
Gavin nodded, noticing Richard’s gaze boring into him at that moment.  
“We initiate the mission in exactly 72 hours. Get yourselves ready,” Fowler ordered, nodding at the group of pilots and dismissing them without another word.  
“You did what?” Richard grabbed Gavin’s shoulder before he could make an escape. They stood just outside of the room, the long hallway completely devoid of company.  
“What?” Gavin said, pushing Richard away and moving their conversation down the hall.  
“I thought I was hallucinating… you actually fucking launched fireworks at the kaiju?”  
“I fucking waited for you at the dome entrance, and when you didn’t come I had to make some decisions!” Gavin protested.  
“You could’ve died!”  
“But I fucking didn’t, so what’s the big deal?” Gavin lowered his voice, “you were trying to kill yourself that night, anyway. Don’t think I didn’t see you standing there, begging to be crushed...”  
Richard looked away, obviously stung by the comment, “right, well…between the two of us, I would prefer if you tried a little harder not to die in the future.”  
“I was actually trying to survive, thanks,” Gavin shot back.  
“That was a fucking dumbass survival tactic!” Richard snapped before taking a deep, calming breath, “fine, whatever. Next time we’ll be in RK9 miles under the ocean. No fireworks there.”  
Gavin shook his head, “you’re right, that sounds so much safer.”  
Richard hummed a half laugh at the comment as they wound their way to the cafeteria.  
“Well… speaking of death… these could be our last 72 hours on earth. What do you want to do with them, Gavin?” Richard asked coolly as they stepped in line for food.  
Shrugging, Gavin grabbed the trays, “hell if I know. Nagoya and most of the surrounding prefectures are in fucking shambles, so there’s really no point in leaving the dome.”  
“Have you ever been to the lookout on top of the dome?” Richard asked curiously.  
“No, we’re not allowed up there,” Gavin glanced at him, “are you suggesting we break some rules? Because I will absolutely support that.”  
“It’ll barely be breaking the rules,” Richard laughed, “Hank has the keys. He’ll give me anything I ask for.”  
“You smooth bitch, alright, I’m in.”  
“Perfect,” Richard grinned.  
The smile reminded Gavin of the smile he had received when he asked Richard to go to the festival with him. His stomach churned uncomfortably, wondering if Richard’s talk of death had been more pointed than Gavin had realized.


	19. Gymnopédies No. 1 Lent ex Douloureux

Richard stared at his reflection in the mirror, watching as Connor observed him right back. He checked his watch quickly, he had promised to meet Gavin at the elevator in ten minutes. He still had time.  
“How am I supposed to go out with a bang now, huh?” he asked the mirror. Connor didn’t respond.  
“You were always the cool one, I could use some advice.”  
Silence.  
Truthfully, he enjoyed Gavin’s presence, but he didn’t know what that meant. Maybe they were just friends. Maybe he felt more there. It was hard to tell because of the connection they shared in the drift. It did things to people. Tina and Chloe were victims of the drift connection. When you’ve shared that much with someone else, you feel like there’s no one else in the world you could possibly be close to again.  
“But I’ve drifted with two people,” he leaned against the minuscule sink in his room, getting closer to the mirror, “but it’s totally different with him than it was with you.”  
Connor stared at him, blinking with him as he watched expectantly. He looked scared and unsure, which sent Richard into a memory he had nearly forgotten.  
They were in junior high. School had ended for the day and they were waiting in the park for their mother to pick them up. Markus-- a friend of Connor’s that Richard had become severely jealous of because he stole Connor’s attention--would sit with them on the swings until his own mother picked him up.  
“Bye Connor, bye Richard!” He would wave every single time. Today was no different.  
Connor sighed loudly. There was that scared, unsure look.  
“What is it, doofus?” Richard asked, leaning against the chains of his swings and pivoting toward Connor.  
“I think I might like him,” he admitted quietly.  
“Well, you hang out with him all the time, so you must like him a little bit,” Richard shrugged without thinking.  
“No, I mean I think I like-like him.”  
Richard gripped the chains tighter, “what?”  
Connor looked down in his lap, “I don’t know. I don’t know if he likes me that way… and I don’t want to ruin our friendship…”  
It was a shocking revelation for Richard, because he had always assumed that he and Connor would be the only people they ever needed in life.  
“Well, you know what Coach says. You miss all the shots you don’t take, right?” Richard decided. He was pretty sure that Markus didn’t feel that way about Connor. If Markus broke Connor’s heart then he would have his undivided attention again. This was the only way to get this out of Connor’s system.  
“Just rip off the bandaid, Con, if he feels the same way, then great! If not, now you know and that’s okay, too, right?”  
“But what if he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore?” Connor frowned.  
“Then he’s making the worst decision of his life, because you’re perfect, Connor.”  
“You’re just saying that because we’re identical,” he shot back.  
“Maybe,” Richard shrugged smugly.  
“Haven’t you ever had a crush on anyone, Rich?”  
“I would’ve told you if I did.”  
Connor nodded, “that’s true.”  
“Besides, Con, what does he have that I don’t?” Richard demanded, feeling a flare of jealousy again.  
“What, do you think he’s replacing you?” Connor laughed, “that’s stupid!”  
“No it isn’t!” Richard countered, “you spend tons of time with him! You’re going to forget about me!”  
Connor continued laughing, “you’re jealous of him? He’ll never have what we have, stupid, but he makes me happy.”  
He paused at this, looking at Richard seriously, “and you make me happy too. But if you found someone who made you happy in a way I can’t, I wouldn’t be upset at all. I would be happy.”  
Richard stared at the mirror, “and then that motherfucker broke your heart, just like I wanted!” He frowned, “but you were so sad, and it was miserable.”  
He glanced at his watch. He was going to be late to their pre-arranged meet-up if he didn’t leave right then.  
“I’m not forgetting about you, got it?” he pointed at the mirror, “you’re still my number one. Always.”  
For a moment, Richard thought he saw Connor smile at him.

Gavin was already at the elevator when Richard arrived with the keys.  
“Ready to go up?”  
“You seem a little too excited for what will probably be a five minute elevator ride,” Gavin snorted.  
“It’s worth the wait,” Richard grinned, using the key to unlock the upper floors and pressing the highest one.  
“If you say so,” Gavin shrugged. He looked tense, but Richard let it go. If he wanted to talk about it, he would.  
“Do you want to hear the funniest joke in the world according to my brother?” Richard asked after a few moments of silence had passed.  
“Hell yeah,” Gavin smiled, relaxing a bit as he adjusted to the conversation.  
“A St. Bernard went to a telegram office and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.””  
Richard snickered as he watched Gavin blink in reaction to the joke.  
“That’s the dumbest joke I’ve ever heard,” he shook his head.  
“I know!” Richard grinned, which got Gavin to laugh.  
“Here’s a worse one,” Gavin smirked, “what do you tell your cat when you leave the house?”  
“What?”  
“Have a ‘mice’ day.”  
“Oh my god,” Richard shook his head, “that is so much worse.”  
“I used to have a book of a thousand cat jokes that I would read in class instead of reading the textbook,” Gavin explained.  
“I take it you’re a cat guy?” Richard snickered.  
“You know the answer to that,” Gavin rolled his eyes, “I kinda miss my cats, actually.”  
“Who’s taking care of them while you’re here?”  
“My neighbor. He likes cats too, and I told him if I died he could keep them, so that’s motivating him to take good care of them, I guess.”  
“That’s good. I’m sure they’ll be very excited for you to get home.”  
The elevator doors opened onto the upper platform of the dome. It lead directly to a steep flight of stairs.  
“They’re actually all brats, they don’t miss me at all,” Gavin snorted as they started up the stairs.  
“Whatever, I’m sure one of them wonders where the usual food-giver is.”  
“What a thought,” Gavin chuckled as they stepped onto the roof, a balcony overlooking the black ocean the only thing separating them from a nearly 100 story drop to the ground.  
“What do you think?” Richard asked as he sat down on the edge and leaned against the railing bars.  
“It’s incredible.”  
“Better than rotting away inside, right?”  
Gavin laughed airily, leaning on the railing but not sitting down, “way better.”  
Richard was certain a thousand hours of uncomfortable silence passed by in the few seconds it took for him to try and talk again.  
“Thanks for uh… helping me…” it sounded even more stupid out loud.  
“Thanks for letting me,” Gavin shrugged, “you’re a stubborn motherfucker, you know that, right?”  
“And you aren’t?” Richard snarked, “you’re the king of stubborn motherfuckers, Gavin.”  
“I’ve definitely met my match with you, Rich,” he stuck out his tongue, “convince me I’m wrong!”  
“You’re doing it right now!” Richard snorted.  
“And you’re fighting me on it!”  
Rolling his eyes, Richard gripped the railings. This wasn’t going well. How come nothing ever went according to plan? It was so well orchestrated in his head…  
“Is your arm going to die while we’re up here?” Gavin asked, filling in the empty space.  
“No. I charged her up.”  
“Oh, so your arm’s a her now?” Gavin teased.  
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Richard leaned back, giving Gavin a stupefied expression.  
“In the cockpit…” Gavin shook his head, “naw, now I sound stupid. I was just trying to make a joke.”  
“I wasn’t talking about my arm in the cockpit, Gavin.”  
This was met with silence.  
“I was talking about you-“  
“I got it, I got it,” Gavin interrupted, “I may be a dumbass but I’m not that stupid.”  
“Why are you being so fucking weird?” Richard demanded, feeling frustrated.  
“Why are you being so fucking weird?” Gavin shot back, his defenses obviously on high alert by the way he was speaking.  
“I’m not trying to be weird, dipshit! Why are you acting so defensive all the sudden, what did I do?”  
Gavin looked away, the darkness hid most of his facial expressions anyway, so it was entirely unnecessary.  
“Why are you acting like this? It’s like when we were going to the festival… and then you tried to kill yourself.”  
Richard’s jaw dropped open for a moment.  
“This-no this isn’t like that! I…” Richard pressed his thumbs into his temples, his fingers placed across his brow as he tried to explain himself. He had been happy with that idea back then, which is why he had recommended for it to be a date in the first place--regardless of how much he had joked about it.  
“God, I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry… I’m not-- this isn’t--”  
“I told you not to fuck with me, dumbass and now you’re fucking with me, so explain yourself honestly or I’m going to bed.”  
Richard sighed, forcing himself to look into Gavin’s eyes as confidently as he could, “I’m not fucking with you.”  
Gavin stiffened, “yes, you are.”  
“Look, Gav, I know that I’m messed up, but you’ve helped me a lot! If you mean what I said the other night… about not being sure? That’s true. But I enjoy being around you, and you make me happy… and I think that’s enough to try and see how I feel. To try and understand something that isn't in the drift.”  
Gavin was silent for a while before answering. Richard let him take his time, considering he was being unfair about the situation.  
“And if you decide you don’t feel that way about me, what are you going to do then, huh?”  
He sounded as if he had already been hurt, which tore Richard up inside. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this at all…  
“I’m sorry, I just thought the best way to figure it out was by trying… but you aren’t just a throw-away toy. I should’ve respected your boundaries.”  
“God, you are such a fucking idiot,” Gavin whispered, sitting down next to Richard and pulling him forward by his shirt.  
Richard was sure a bolt of lightning had shot through his body, and he was sure he had lost control of every muscle in his body as they tensed up at Gavin’s soft touch and the caress of his lips.


	20. Clair de Lune

Gavin let go after moment, moving just far enough back to speak. Richard had frozen like a block of ice the moment he had touched him. The message was clear.  
“There, now you’ve tried,” he muttered, “I hope it wasn't too disa-“  
Richard cut him off so unexpectedly that he nearly pulled away, but Richard's hand was holding him still as he pressed his lips aggressively against Gavin’s.  
His face heated up like an oven as he felt his mouth forced open by Richard’s relentlessness and absolutely desperate movements. Gavin pushed back, sitting upright and grabbing Richard’s jacket for balance.  
The chilly night air was an afterthought as hands travelled through hair and lips marked skin. It was all moving so quickly, yet agonizingly slow.  
Gavin’s fingers laced through Richard’s hair, travelled down his neck and pulled at his clothes. He was filled with a strange anxiety, yet he felt in complete control, which allowed him to continue.  
Richard was far more methodical, as if he needed to know every single inch of Gavin’s face before he could move on. It couldn’t be stopped. Neither of them wanted to stop. They were both so touch starved that even the slightest caresses set off fireworks.  
When Gavin started to feel overly anxious, Richard seemed to be able to tell right away, letting Gavin lead the trip as they tripped over themselves.  
“Do you want to stop?” Gavin asked as they moved away from the edge of the balcony.  
“No,” Richard breathed, suddenly stopping and letting himself take a few deep gulps of air, “did-did you want to stop?”  
“Fuck no,” Gaven stripped off his jacket and set it on the ground at their sides, “I just didn’t want to take advantage of you.”  
He never wanted to put another human being through what he had. He didn’t care if it dampened the mood for a little bit.  
Richard lay down on the jacket, pressing his foot against one of the bars of the railing and looking up at Gavin with a short exhale. His eyes practically glittered in the moonlight.  
“What are you staring at?”  
Gavin leaned over him and continued where they had left off without answering. He felt no need to speak, seeing as no words could properly describe the tumultuous and over-heated emotions roiling inside him right then.  
The only thing he could do was work his hands under clothes and experience every single scar up close. He was careful, but not patient. Patience couldn’t be allowed at the break of a dam. The unleashing of emotions was unstoppable.  
All Gavin knew for sure was that he had never wanted to know the body and the soul of another human being more than he did right there, right then.  
In the cold.  
445 meters above the ground.  
60 hours before the end of the world.

Gavin felt a shifting underneath his arms and instinctively pressed his face into the back of Richard’s neck.  
His metal arm shifted carefully forward, letting Gavin know Richard was awake. They had left the roof hours ago, and Gavin had fallen into a light sleep, waking whenever Richard moved… just in case he needed to check on him.  
“Everything okay?” Gavin’s voice was hoarse and gravelly, but he managed to speak anyway.  
“My arm hurts,” Richard said quietly, as if someone would be able to hear them through the thick metal doors of his room.  
“Is there anything I can do? Do you have pain meds? I could get some ice?”  
Richard shook his head, “I just need to lay down on my back... but there isn’t room for that.”  
Gavin pressed himself up and held himself over Richard, “lay down, I’ll find a space.”  
Richard complied, his tired eyes barely opening as he stared up at Gavin.  
“Sorry I’m so high-maintenance.”  
Gavin found a space between Richard and the wall, draping an arm across his torso to give the rest of his body room to fit in the space.  
When he had comfortably propped his head on Richard’s shoulder, he found a groggy reply.  
“Then I’m a star maintenance man.”  
His head shook from Richard’s breathy laugh.  
“Dumbass.”  
“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”  
“Go back to sleep,” Richard said with a tired smile.  
Gavin felt Richard’s breathing slow underneath his arm. He had to consciously stop himself from scrawling his fingers over the scars that gnarled like tree roots across Richard's chest and shoulder. Gavin knew he was safe to relax when Richard's exhales lowered a pitch. It was hard to believe that just the night before, Richard had taken hours to finally calm down enough to sleep.   
Everything was so peaceful Gavin hoped it would never end. Maybe it was all a dream in the first place.  
They had at least 54 more hours.


	21. Danse Macabre

“Beginning neural handshake in three, two, one…”  
Richard felt the drop, the stream of memories hurling past him so quickly that he barely had time to watch them. His and Gavin’s memories had melded into one, and it didn’t matter whose memories belonged to whom.  
“Neural handshake complete, alignment is 97%.”  
“That’s pretty fucking good,” Hank praised, “whatever you guys figured out, it’s probably gonna save your asses.”  
Richard glanced at Gavin and smothered a laugh, “I dunno about save… my ass still kinda hurts.”  
Gavin choked he laughed so hard.  
“What’s so damn funny?” Hank demanded.  
“We’re just a little high strung in here. Pretty sure we’re gonna die, so what’s the deal if we laugh a little, Hank? Lighten up!”  
“Whatever,” Hank sighed, “we’re lifting you up for the drop off. We have two signatures forming at the gate, so we don’t have a lot of time.”  
“Time to deliver the payload,” Richard glanced at Gavin, “and get the fuck out, right?”  
“In the words of some famous person at some point, ‘fuck yeah’,” Gavin nodded, adjusting his helmet as RK9 jerked off the ground.  
“So… when all this is over, have you decided what you’re going to do with your life?” Richard asked to pass the time.  
“I actually really liked your idea about joining a police force. Maybe I could specialize and become a detective or something.”  
“You would be really good at that, I think,” Richard nodded, pleased that he had encouraged Gavin to pursue something that was worthwhile and interesting to him instead of trying to appease his abusive parents.  
“What about you, Rich?”  
The question caught him off guard.  
“I don’t know. Win the lottery?”  
“Dumbass,” Gavin shook his head, “I want a real answer.”  
“How about you let me think about it for a minute,” Richard requested, “I’ll have an answer before we get back to the dome, alright?”  
“You motherfucker!”  
But Gavin didn’t press the subject, much to Richard’s surprise. He could sense his anxiety. He wasn’t sure if they were going to make it, either.  
“Are we done chit-chatting, ladies?”  
Elijah’s voice was as grating as ever.  
“What the fuck do you want, rat face?” Richard asked.  
“I’m just going to teach you how to manually set off the bomb just in case you have a malfunction.”  
“You didn’t think that was important for us to know before we started the mission?” Gavin yelled angrily.  
“I didn’t think it would be an issue. My designs are flawless, but I’ve been told that not explaining this is against protocol, so I guess you should be grateful there’s a manual version at all.”  
“Son of a bitch,” Gavin spat angrily.  
“Richard, to your right there is a shaft with three power boxes. That’s the new piece that connects the cockpit to the payload. You can access it by opening the lids, turning the wheels clockwise to the three-o-clock position, and pressing them back into their boxes. This will start a sixty second count-down that should give you enough time to get back in your hangar and get launched up in your personal escape pod.”  
“How will I know if it needs manual?”  
“Well, the only reason you would need to detonate the payload by hand is if you no longer have control over your Jaeger. If your Jaeger powers down completely, the payload is set to detonate on its own as a failsafe. You know, just in case you die before you can press the big red button.”  
“How reassuring,” Richard rolled his eyes as a new voice spoke into the comms.  
“You’ve got two teams backing you up. We have two category 5’s and a pending third event.”  
“Tina!” they both cheered in unison at the sound of a far friendlier voice.  
“Chloe and I are coordinating the defensive front. We’re gonna get you guys out of here, okay?”  
“I feel a lot better now,” Gavin laughed, the relief in his voice obvious.  
“Ready for the drop, boys? We’re over the trench now,” Hank announced.  
“Send us in, boss,” Richard looked over at Gavin and they braced themselves.  
“Alignment at 98%.”  
“Let’s shoot for a perfect 100%,” Richard challenged.  
“How do we do that?” Gavin asked as the drop sent their stomachs into their throats.  
“Fuck if I know. It just happens.”  
“What a great goal to shoot for,” Gavin laughed as RK9 slammed into the water and began to sink down.  
“Switching to underwater visuals,” Richard announced, turning his wrist around the projected buttons at his fingertips as the darkness enveloped them completely.  
“Minotaur and Point Break have made it to the bottom already. They haven’t encountered the two Kaiju yet, but they’re on the lookout.”  
“We’ve got them outnumbered,” Richard replied, “so we should be fine.”  
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Rich, we don’t want you fighting. Just go straight for the portal and don’t look back.”  
Richard ground his teeth, “If anyone in this mission dies because I follow that order, I swear I’ll kill you, Hank.”  
“We’re aware of the risk,” another voice came over the communicator, “this is Minotaur, we have a visual on one of the kaiju. We’re going to coax it way from the portal if we can.”  
“Copy that, Minotaur. Call in if you need backup.”  
The new pilots of point break.  
Richard sighed.  
“Let’s finish this quick, then.”  
“I couldn’t agree more,” Gavin nodded as RK9 touched down on a ledge in the trench.  
“You’re 500 meters off from the portal. Head due west,” Tina ordered.  
Switching on their lights, they oriented toward their final destination, moving slowly as the water pressure increased.  
“300 meters to destination.”  
A loud sound interrupted Tina, followed by a strong current that sent them back a pace.  
“We have sight of the second kaiju, Minotaur, update us on your progress,” Richard ordered as the neon glow of a giant beast sped past them.  
“Minotaur?” Richard spoke again as he activated the spinning blades on his arm.  
“We’re not connected to the communicators anymore. I think that kaiju has some sort of blocking ability. It’s jamming our signal,” Gavin informed.  
“What should we do?” Richard asked as they turned Nines head back and forth to locate the creature.  
“I think it’s heading for the others. It probably thinks we’re unable to function without communication,” Gavin decided, “let’s keep going-“  
A force from behind threw them forward, sending RK9 down a slope toward the now visible portal. It was surrounded by volcanic vents and glowing an angry red.  
“Keep your eyes on the prize, Gav," Richard stepped forward, “when it comes for us again, use the clamps on your arm to hold it against our body, I’ll blast its insides out and we’ll ride it into the portal. The extra weight will speed up the process.”  
“How will we know when we’re at the base?” Gavin asked as they stood up and started toward the portal again.  
“We’ll have to guess if killing this thing doesn’t get us our signal back!” Richard yelled, “brace for impact!”  
They moved together, swinging the left arm up as the creature rammed into them. They were thrown back as Richard charged the blaster and unloaded five rounds into its gut.  
“It’s still alive!” Gavin yelled.  
“Hold it into that volcanic vent!” Richard ordered, the two of them moving the weight of their Jaeger onto the mortally wounded monster and watching as the vent burned a hole right through its chest.  
“Take that you son of a bitch!” Richard cheered, he and Gavin moving together as they lifted the carcass up and started toward the portal again.  
“-9, please respond!” a voice yelled.  
“This is RK9, our friendly neighborhood kaiju was jamming the signal. What’s the situation? We’re headed toward the portal now.”  
“Minotaur is down. Point break is handling the kaiju now-“  
A loud roar interrupted Tina, reverberating off of RK9 and forcing Gavin and Richard to look up as a large Kaiju appeared from the opposite side of the portal with Point Break in its ugly jaws.  
“Prepare to-“ Richard choked as a creature many times more massive appeared in the center of the portal, snapping its jaws closed on both the smaller kaiju and Point Break before disappearing into the portal again.  
“Holy fuck,” Richard breathed.  
“We’re fucked,” Gavin agreed.


	22. Rachmaninoff-Prelude in C sharp Minor

“No,” Richard’s mind was racing now.  
“What do you fucking mean, ‘no’?” Gavin demanded.  
“Grab the carcass. It’s our ticket down there,” Richard ordered.  
“Are you out of your goddamn mind?”  
“Yes.”  
They moved together, hauling the heavy beast toward the portal.  
“When it shows its face, chuck the body. When it bites down, we’re going to use our thrusters to go down with it.”  
“You’re fucking insane!” Gavin yelled, the beast’s nose breaching the surface of the portal. They stepped forward and launched the body towards the center of the portal. The massive kaiju opened its mouth, but did not snap it immediately closed. instead, it sucked in, pulling them close as it did so.  
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” Gavin’s voice shook like a wind chime during a hurricane.  
“Turning on thrusters!” Richard announced, “kick off its jaw!”  
They launched towards the beast, placing a foot on its jaw and angling downward into the portal, but the monster was too fast, grabbing the leg of RK9 and jerking them down through the portal.  
“Keep thrusters on!” Richard ordered, “powering up reactor.”  
He flipped the switches.  
“Lighting up,” Gavin said abruptly, answering on his end as they were pulled into a psychedelic light show, the beast destroying the lower half of RK9 as they began to roast its mouth and face with their reactor core.  
The moment it opened its mouth, RK9 burst away from its grasp and down toward what looked like a solid wall. The kaiju was not far behind, its roar deafening in their ears.  
“What are we going to do?” Gavin demanded.  
“Let it get us,” Richard murmured, “full turn around!”  
“What??” Gavin followed even as he protested, pivoting RK9 so that it was facing the beast as they careened to the base of the portal chute.  
“Put all the energy into the reactor,” Richard ordered as the kaiju bit down on them.  
“Eat this, bitch!” Gavin screamed, thrusting the lever forward and watching as their entire cockpit powered down and the reactor melted the insides of the machine as it roasted the mouth of the kaiju.  
“We’re getting out of here,” Richard announced.  
“Copy that, Richard.”  
Tina’s voice was distant and fuzzy.  
The kaiju bit down harder, sending a large crack through the cockpit.  
“Gavin, activate your pod, it’s going to lose oxygen from that crack!”  
“I’m not leaving without you, dumbass!” he yelled, detaching from his hangar and starting toward Richard as the kaiju flung its head in pain, crushing part of the cockpit, and Gavin along with it.  
Releasing himself from his spot in the cockpit, Richard ran forward, using his prosthetic as a lever to pull the metal off of Gavin.  
“Oxygen levels low.”  
“Gavin, wake up!” Richard yelled, pulling him away from the wreckage. The kaiju flung them again, sending Richard across the room with Gavin in his arms.  
Getting up quickly, he ignored the pain and spinning in the room as he returned to Gavin's escape pod, pulling him up from the ground and chucking him inside.  
“Gavin’s up!” Richard yelled, pushing the button and watching as the pod leapt from the cockpit.  
“Switching to manual,” Richard added when he heard a fuzzy response from Tina.  
Grabbing the switches, he began turning them as quickly as he could, his heart pounding and his vision going dark as the oxygen in the cockpit depleted to zero.  
“Payload set to detonate in 60, 59, 58-“  
Richard ran for his pod, only get flung against the wall again-- this time to stay.  
He hyperventilated as he stared at the metal shrapnel sticking out of his prosthetic and side, holding him against the wall.  
“Fuck-“ Richard closed his eyes, seeing himself as he stared at the place where Connor should have been. A voice echoed in his head.  
“You’re not alone! I’m right here.”  
Gavin was safe. He wasn’t gone. He had ensured that... so he hadn't failed. It was different now.   
“50, 49,”  
“I don’t want to die!” he screamed, unsure if the yell had been in his head or aloud, but the urgency was there all the same. Grabbing the closest shard of medal he could find, he rammed it into his shoulder over and over until he felt a series of fizzling pops and a painful jerk as the prosthetic was ripped from his nerves. He let go of the little air he had left with a pitiful, pained cry.   
Forcing his body forward, he pulled himself from the wall, leaving most of his arm behind and taking the rod in his gut with him as he stumbled for his pod.  
“30, 29, 28,”  
Hauling himself into the escape pod, he closed the door and pulled the emergency hatch, launching his pod away from RK9 as the beast shook its head madly. As he passed, he could see that the heat from the reactor had melted the creature’s jaws together.  
“15, 14, 13…”  
“Suck on that, bitch,” Richard wheezed as he waited for the blast. With the reactor about to die, it would be twice the explosion.  
He probably wouldn’t clear the portal in time, let alone the blast zone.  
“5, 4, 3, 2…”  
Richard lay his head back, gripping the rod in his gut and staring at the bit of glass in front of him. Connor watched him back. He smiled.  
“Boom.”


	23. Bénédiction de Dieu dans la solitude

Gavin gasped as a rush of salt water splashed into his helmet, sending him into a coughing fit as he tried to figure out where he was.  
Ripping off the helmet, he sat up slowly, his hands barely getting a grip on the wet edges of his craft. Red water surrounded the floating pod he was sitting in, the opening just barely having popped off after resurfacing. The sky was nearly as blue as the ocean, only interrupted by a few unassuming clouds. The dye was a signal for rescue.  
Looking around, he realized immediately that he was alone.  
“Richard?” Gavin’s throat burned from speaking and his head pounded from the effort. His whole body hurt, and it felt like he had broken a couple ribs at the very least.  
A small voice started speaking into the helmet, and Gavin had to hold it up to his head in order to hear what was being said.  
“Gavin, the bomb worked. The portal collapsed and we’re on our way-“  
Tina’s voice was frantic, but excited to hear his voice.  
“Where’s Richard?” he demanded without missing a beat.  
“Gav…” Tina excitement deflated instantly.  
“Where the fuck is he, Tina?” Gavin coughed, holding his side as he stood up, trying to get a higher point of view.  
“We lost his signal, Gavin.”  
Before he had even gotten completely upright, his legs buckled and he was back on his knees, his body reacting to the news poorly. Tears burned his already sea-water splashed eyes as he stared into the empty ocean.  
“Gavin, we’re about five minutes out, will you be okay? Do you have any open wounds?” Tina asked.  
His answer was suppressed by silent, heaving sobs that were like knives in his chest as his lungs pressed into broken ribs.  
“Gavin, please respond.”  
“Fuck off,” he wheezed, trying to keep his voice from shaking as he gripped his helmet and chucked it into the dark ocean.  
It smacked against something hard a short distance away and bounced awkwardly off the water.  
“What the fuck?” Gavin leaned over the edge of his pod, but the dye had made the water entirely opaque. He paddled his hands into the water, moving it as close as he could manage to the spot he was sure he had hit and chucked one of his shoes. It also bounced, making an odd, hollow sound.  
“There’s something here,” Gavin breathed, reaching for his helmet in the water again and placing it in his pod. His heart pounded as he ripped off the pieces of his suit and used them like paddles to get closer, the ocean staying still enough for him to maneuver, the buoys on his pod striking something and coming to a sudden halt.  
Reaching his hand down, it struck something smooth. He moved around until he found a grip, jerking it upward and pulling the door to another pod open, water immediately rushing into the space.  
“Oh my god, Rich-” Gavin grabbed the edges of the opening and pulled up, lifting the opening up slightly, but it was already beginning to sink, “fuck, fuck-“  
“What’s going on, Gavin?” Tina demanded, her voice loud enough to be heard from the helmet, but Gavin ignored her, jumping into the ocean and following the sinking pod.  
He jerked open the second door and grabbed the limp body inside before swimming back towards the surface. The sounds of helicopters could be heard over the dull roar of the ocean.  
Holding Richard’s head above water, Gavin grabbed the edge of his pod and pushed him over the large buoys, following quickly after to pull Richard completely on board.  
“Richard, come on,” Gavin pleaded, removing Richard's helmet and seeing his ghostly pale face, “fuck. You’re so fucked up. You better not be fucking dead.”  
Blood was leaking through the remains of his mangled prosthetic and filling the bottom of the pod. What caught his attention the most, however, was the iron rod sticking straight through his torso like a stick in the mud.  
“What are you talking about, Gavin?” Tina demanded, her voice desperate for an answer, “is Richard with you?”  
“Hurry up!” Gavin begged, grabbing the helmet and moving it closer, “his pod was partially submerged- I don’t know-“  
“Is he breathing, Gav- check if he’s breathing. Check for a heartbeat. We’re almost there.”  
He pressed a finger to Richard’s neck and held his ear to his face, but he was shaking too badly to tell.  
“I don’t know. I don’t know- fucking hell! Fuck! Richard you can’t fucking do this to me!” Gavin yelled, his head spinning. He definitely had a concussion.  
“Maybe he has water in his throat, try tilting his head to the side and pounding on his chest-“  
“He’s got a rod in his gut, Tina! I’m gonna hurt him!”  
“Gavin, just do it!” Anderson barked, his angry voice sending Gavin into action.  
“Put your full weight into it! We’d rather he live and have some broken ribs than the alternative,” he added.  
Gavin slammed his fists into Richard’s chest, watching carefully after every swing.  
“Again!”  
“Again!”  
The helicopters were circling them.  
“Harder!”  
Gavin swung as hard as he could, a loud crack announcing at least two broken ribs. But that had been enough.  
Richard vomited up what looked like a gallon of water and just as much blood, taking a shallow, ragged breath before a sliver of color returned to his cheeks.  
“Fucking shit,” Gavin sat back, letting his arms drop to his sides, “holy shit… it fucking worked.”

The hospital chairs couldn’t have been more uncomfortable and the lights more unbearably bright. At least Lieutenant Anderson wasn’t giving him a lecture this time. He sat a few chairs down, lightly dozing. They had been sitting there for the greater part of the day, waiting for any word.  
All Gavin knew for sure was that the rod had messed up Richard’s insides a great deal and they were having some difficulties patching him up.  
When a nurse came out, Gavin was on his feet so fast the blood rushed out of his head and the nurse had to catch him before he stumbled to the ground.  
“Sorry,” he said, trying to help himself up shakily.  
“He’s just waking up,” she informed quickly, holding the door open for him and Lieutenant Anderson as they walked quietly inside.  
“It took a while, but he’ll be up and back to normal in a day or two, barring complications. We recommend sending him to a normal hospital where he can be observed for at least a couple weeks, however.”  
Gavin felt weak with relief.  
“What about his arm?” Anderson asked quietly.  
“We had to remove the device. He damaged the immediate nerve ending connections, so if he wants to have another surgery to reattach a new prosthetic we’re going to have to remove a bit more tissue… but that’s a discussion you don’t need to have right now. Just let him heal from one injury at a time.”  
Anderson nodded, standing a comfortable distance from the end of the bed and allowing Gavin to take the seat at the bedside.  
Thick bandages were wrapped around his shoulder and torso, a little blood could be seen staining the medical wrap, but it wasn’t drastic.  
“Fuck,” Richard muttered, straining his eyes against the light and wincing as he turned his head toward Gavin, “you look like shit.”  
“Dumbass,” Gavin whispered, “I thought you fucking died you bastard-“  
“Chill the fuck down or I’ll kick you out,” Anderson warned.  
“Oh I did,” Richard closed his eyes, “Connor says hi.”  
The room went silent as a grave.  
Richard opened his eyes again, “stop being so fucking somber. I’ll be fine, right?”  
“Right,” Gavin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
“You’ll be in here for a couple of days probably, so bedrest is recommendable,” Anderson chimed in, his arms folded.  
“Thought you’d seen the last of me, huh Hank?” Richard struggled to put a smirk on his face, realizing too late that the arm he was trying to move wasn’t there anymore.  
“Ah fuck, I forgot my arm was gone,” he looked over at Gavin, “flip him off for me.”  
Gavin and Anderson laughed as he complied.  
“Look, I know you’re probably going to find some excuse to break in here later, and I’m just warning you that I, as a grown man, deserve my own privacy. Please knock first,” Richard whispered, looking sternly at Anderson.  
“What do you have to fucking hide, Rich?” Anderson raised an eyebrow.  
“Well, if you really have to know,” Richard lifted up his left hand and balanced it on the back of Gavin’s neck, pulling him down slightly for a kiss. Gavin didn’t need any more encouraging.  
“Ah, well, alright then. I’ll be in with breakfast tomorrow morning, just don’t scare the nurse.”  
Lieutenant Anderson was gone quicker than he had ever vacated an area before.  
Gavin had to pull away to laugh, “You smooth motherfucker.”  
“Don’t pretend that my mouth doesn’t still taste like vomit and blood,” he apologized.  
“Oh it fucking does,” Gavin rubbed his thumb against Richard’s cheek, “permission to not kiss you again until after you’ve brushed your teeth?”  
“I’m not the only one with rank breath, you know,” Richard snorted, letting his head rest back on the pillow.  
“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting an open mouth make out to be the first thing on your list after waking up. I would’ve come a bit more prepared.”  
“Dumbass,” Richard rolled his eyes.  
“No, that’s you. I’m sure of it now,” Gavin retorted, resting his hand near Richard’s and letting him put his hand on top, since he had so many wires sticking out of his arm and wrist.  
“I’m sorry,” Richard murmured after a comfortable silence.  
“It’s over now, we’re both alive. You don’t have to apologize.”  
Richard tilted his head toward Gavin, “I’m sorry that I don’t have an answer for what I want to do with me life, I mean,” Richard snorted, “but that was very sentimental of you.”  
“Fuck off,” Gavin stuck out his tongue.  
“But whatever it ends up being,” Richard continued, his face growing serious, “I saw you in it.”  
Gavin closed his eyes and opened them again.  
“I accept that answer,” he grinned, feeling a lightness in his body that didn’t compute considering how tired and sore he was.  
“Stupid,” Richard shifted over slowly in the large bed, shoving down the side railing, “come on, you know I can’t sleep by myself.”  
“This bed wasn’t made for two,” Gavin protested, climbing on anyway.  
“I’m only 80% of a single person, so you should fit,” Richard hummed, letting his head rest on Gavin’s shoulder the moment they had settled.  
“If the nurse gets mad or we break the bed, it’s on you.”  
Gavin closed his heavy eyes and let his cheeks brush the top of Richard’s hair.  
“We just saved the world from aliens. I think we can share a fucking bed, Gav.”  
Richard was already half asleep as he spoke, and Gavin didn’t feel like keeping him awake any longer. It was enough to just listen to him breathe. To hear his heartbeat through the monitors next to the bed. To know that, for once, everything really was going to be okay.


End file.
